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from my Multiply

* these are still DRAFTS... and these are just bits and pieces from the story that's still in my head.. I certainly am hoping that I'll be able to write something... FINALLY. XD

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I. February 15, 2007
People would always ask me why someone like me had never had a boyfriend. Well, the simple answer to that is I just haven't fallen yet. I do not want to be together with anyone over a simple crush and drown myself in infatuation. Whenever someone would confess to me I would always remember the little boy from my childhood who gave me this ring. I do not hold any feeling for him back then but thinking of him gave me the idea that love is something that I've always had in me and that I can patiently wait for it to come out and reveal itself to someone who deserves me more that I deserve him.

II. December 14, 2007
In the midst and height of our achievement, when the whole world is watching our every move and everything and anything about our lives is questioned, I now would speak up and give an answer to the questions that I would frequently be asked.... it is that which concern my love life. Do you have a girlfriend? How many girls have you dated? Who's your celebrity crush? What's your type of girl? Is it true that you dated this and that???? I would always avoid such questions and often I would give indirect answers such as "Who knows?" and "Just guess". Often my preference would be questioned and debates here and there would start and assumptions would be made. Well, I wrote this blog to give all questions and issues a one-time-bigtime answer. I do hope I would not be bothered about my love life ever again after I answer this.

The truth is, there's only one girl in my life. She's the one that I've always loved and I never even considered replacing her in my heart (and mind ü). We met each other when we were just 7 years of age in a theater workshop that we both attended one summer. I was Romeo and she was Juliet. The moment I met her my heart instantly reacted. Oh I cannot help it, I started adoring her. We were not close. She would always be with her cousin and they would always hang out with the girls and some guys that she had been friends with even before the workshop. I would always watch her from a distance. Seeing her smile and laugh makes me happy even if I'm all alone eating my chicken nuggets for lunch.

Since then, I've always loved her.. always have and always will. The thing is, after that workshop I never saw her again. Up until this moment it is she that smiles and laughs in my head. I can never replace her. I know it's weird but I love her. She's my one and only. Fast forward 11 years and here I am still desperately waiting to see her again. We'll cross paths, I'm sure of it. But now, as I'm in the midst of waiting for destiny to take charge, only one thing can help me in getting to her... for all I know of her is her name.


III. December 19, 2009
SO THIS MUST BE PART II.

Woah.This sure is coincidence.

The morning after the event I received hell lota messages whether here or texts or Plurk or YM and all would give me the same message that "it is YOU" and that "YOU're so lucky" and "what do you feel about it?" SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, ARE YA'LL SPEAKING IN CODES? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ALL ARE TALKING ABOUT!!

So, I asked Thea (who I happen to be talking on the phone with a lot since she got back home) what the heck does she think the issue is. She laughed out loud (literally for almost 30 minutes that I almost screamed at the receiver for her to shut up) and told me to go to Steven's Multiply and look for this particular blog entry.

I must say that I almost committed suicide for not realizing all of the glares and weird smiles and expressions that all would give me the day before. hmm... but come to think of it, how can I realize when I do not even know all of it? Maybe I would have realized if I had read it before (even if I'm pretty much sure that I wouldn't even know that it is me that he's talking about... that part of my life just became blurred in my memory.. sorry James*.. XD)

Now give me a minute please.....

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Okay. This is how I feel after finally understanding everything. How am I supposed to be flattered when I do not even see the issue as that of a big deal Yes, it shocked me(a lot) but..... Well, let me just assume that we're good friends NOW. As I've said in the blog that I've written long long ago:

"I do not hold any feeling for him back then......".
--That's the difference between us back then. I do not reciprocate the same feelings that he had for me BEFORE.

"......but thinking of him gave me the idea that love is something that I've always had in me and that I can patiently wait for it to come out and reveal itself to someone who deserves me more that I deserve him.".
--For me, it is still the same. When I've fallen, I've fallen and as of the moment I am not thinking of anything weird and I certainly am not assuming of things to happen in the future.

Let me just make things clear that I am not saying that I rejected him. I am just merely stating that as of the PAST, there is NOTHING. As of the PRESENT, I DO NOT KNOW because we've just met YESTERDAY and I do not have enough time to fully internalize everything.... XD