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The madness of men, and when answers r hard 2 find. |
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The one thing that is hardest to deal with, being a man, and all, is not trying to "figure out women" or even to "understand complexity". Sometimes, it's simply to find the right answer to a troublesome question, even though the question's answer was right there all along in clues. For example, a certain series of events in my life have been going on with this beautiful woman I'd like to marry. Recently, we had decided to take it to a new level in our relationship. However, she was at utmost hesitancy. It took a sit in the darkness of a car at 97 degrees, being surrounded by insects trying to eat us alive to finally get her to stop "hiding her face" and truthfully talk to me for once. It was a precious moment that hit us both emotionally hard, but in the end, I feel it needed to be done.
You see, the problem was complex to me, but the cause was a raw mental truth for EVERY WOMAN regardless of age, well...at least regardless AFTER puberty. Anyways, this common truth is the fear that after a certain event, the man may leave the woman. Or in shorter terms, she was afraid I was using her. GOD I hate that word. I can't stand the men who do that to women! That's something that I've struggled to not be like all my life!
I grew up in a perfect environment for a spoiled child. I could have been rude, obnoxious, and a cheater. But, I had one thing that no other boy had: a heart. I cannot explain it, but my heart is big, and filled with love. I don't care if it sounds corny, or cheesy, or any other flavor...y....but I made a concious decision long, long ago, that I wouldn't be like any other stuck up little s**t head. And now, those people are the ones who I want to paint the sidewalk with their skin and blood. How could I do something so disgusting to my beautiful, sweet little angel! AAAAH! It hurt me when I learned the truth. Not because of what she thought, but because I didn't see it sooner. I just hope we can talk like that more often, cause I don't want her to end up like so many other girls. We've both had similar lives with heartbreak and romance...
But you know, we wouldn't be the people we are now without the tragedies that befell us! surprised We may not have fallen in love with each other if certain events didn't happen, for example how we both got hit by cars.
I hope she reads this, and I hope she knows just as to what extent that I am madly in love with her. I hope she knows I would never leave her for something as stupid as sex. I hope she knows I want to be there for her every day that I can. I hope she knows I want to protect her. I hope she knows just how beautiful she really is, especially to me. I hope she knows how much she's truly loved by her family and friends and Skippy, lol. I hope she knows that I want her to come with me to Belgium to get married more now then yesterday, and that I love her more and more every single day and second that passes. And lastly, I hope she knows that she can come to talk to me about anything, without guilt, without embarrassment, without worrying about me seeing her any differently than I do, less it's more positively, because I love her, so, so much it hurts sometimes. She only needs to come with love and a question, because I care what she thinks, and I care what's on her mind, and I want to see who she is so I can show who I am too. What she may not know is I hurt just as bad as she does...I just don't show it. I may put on the waterworks for a touching scene in a movie, but other than that, I dont cry, less in secret or when the moment is real to me like it was last night.
God, I love her! AAAAH! heart heart heart heart
 Wolf-FollowerOfLight · Wed May 13, 2009 @ 04:27pm · 2 Comments |
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