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Mindless Rantings
Saraez analyzes, reads, rants, and writes.
Saraez sez...
And now we finally move onto Part 2!

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Where we last left off, a race of mutated Ratmen led by a mysterious burka wearing man named Verminous Skumm had broken into a coal factory and started producing an acid rain cloud for reasons that will hopefully become clear later on. So Wheeler, Gi, and Kwame have distracted the Ratmen into chasing them about the factory shooting at them with acid guns, while Linka has been left on her lonesome to do something about it. Meanwhile, Matee has spontaneously decided he has some sort of inferiority complex and has opted to stay behind in the planet plane.

Did everybody get that?

SO when we open up Matee is in the plane using some sort of surveilence device built into the plane in order to watch his fellow Planeteers get shot at while he warns them to be careful. Like that'll help, they can't even hear them.

Back in the factory, Linka runs around in the factory and spots the switch that will turn off the conveyer belt. And she helpfully points it out to the viewer. Sort of.

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WHERE IS THE SWITCH?! Oh wait, I think it's that dark stick-shaped thing on the other side of the conveyer belts.

Meanwhile, the Planeteers outside are actually using their powers to fight the Ratmen.

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Welp, looks like that's all of them. Oh drat! There's still that guy in the corner!

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How will the Planeteers deal with this one? Will they quietly voice activate their rings? Will they run and hope for the best?

Actually they surrender. I'd mock them, except that that's actually not a stupid thing to do.

Meanwhile, back in the factory, Linka grabs hold of the switch, but is distracted by an earth quake, and decides to stand around gaping as a machine drills into the factory, instead of actually shutting the damn thing off.

"Hold it right there now, my pretty little Planeteer." Vermy says smoothly. And Linka gets captured too.

Meanwhile, Matee has been watching them through the Planet Plane and realizes that this is a bad thing. He concludes he should help them, but has no idea what to do.

Let's see... why don't we check what's in Matee's list of powers?

So far he has shown:

1. The ability to calm people down. OK, I can't see what that can do.
2. Possible mind control. Fantastic, just use your heart powers to make the Ratmen kill themselves.
3. Read their thoughts. OK, also potentially useful, try to predict the Ratmen's next actions.
4. He can also feel their feelings, but frankly I can't see a use for that.
5. He can also psychically communicate with the other Planeteers to come up with a plan of action.

Yup, Matee's got a good little thing going for him. OK Matee, just put on your ring and rush to that factory!

*Break for commercial*

DAMN!

Meanwhile, Vermy gloats villianously at the Planeteers, revealing the face beneath his burka! Gasp!

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No wait, not gasp. He looks like all the other Ratmen! If he didn't have that tail, he could easily pass for human! I think I'd have been more satisfied if he never took that burka off.

Kwamee attempts to threaten them. The attempt fails.

And so the Planeteers are locked into a warehouse room full of barrels of 'dangerous chemicals'.

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Which randomly start leaking. Alright, Wheeler can't use his powers because it would make the chemicals explode, Kwamee can't use his powers because an earthquake would spill these chemicals and poison the ground, Linka's powers would release them into the atmosphere, and Gi's powers might poison an underground spring.

*Sigh* That's the problem with being part of an environmental team. Or for that matter, being a hero in general.

Call Captain Planet then? Except Pollution is his weakness and he'd go down like a b***h because of all the poisonous fumes. And they'd lose use of their powers.

Oh, and they don't have Matee.

And speaking of Matee, he's still in the Planet Plane when his ring starts ringing. He picks it up, and declares that they're in trouble. He must help them! (SO that's a sixth heart ring power: Matee gets to read the script in order to find out what the fudge is going on.)

Anyway, Matee starts sneaking around the factory disguised as a barrel.

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*Insert Solid Snake joke*

Matee uses his heart powers to read the script. Ah-ha! His friends are in that building!

Unfortunately the lock is too complicated for Matee to figure out.

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OH FOR THE LOVE OF- Matee, if whatever god-forsaken jungle you come from can at least allow you to speak English, it's probably advanced enough to have invented that kind of lock! THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. LIFT THE ******** BAR.

Naturally Matee doesn't do this, and instead uses his psychic powers to ask them if there's another way out. Dude, if there was it would either be locked, and you'd obviously be unable to cope with that if you can't figure out the front door, or they'd have taken it already!

As it turns out, there's a window on the roof. Great, now we get to see this idiot struggle with a latch mechanism.

But Matee tries to climb the building anyway. But he slips! Oh noes, he must give up now! Fortunately it's Giant Gaia head here to give some encouragement and look really creepy.

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Seriously, why does she always appear as bigger then she actually is? I'm beginning to wonder if she has a 'size complex' like Matee here.

Basically she says, "Don't give up! Courage is everything! The power is yours!" And Matee's all "kthx."

Somehow this works, and Matee makes it to the roof, smashes open the window, probably releasing all the poisonous fumes into the outside world but who cares about that at this point, and uses a convenient fire hose as a ladder.

Unfortunately all the coal has finally been burnt. Oops. Well maybe Gaia will let us get away with this just this once, I mean, it's only our second mission!

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The above picture has absolutely nothing to do with what's going on. I'm just including it for the hell of it.

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Aaanyway, let's summon Captain Planet now.

"Huh, would you look at that, the acid rain's about to destroy that city." Captain Planet muses. "Guess I'd better make like the wind and BLOW!"

I'd choke on my drink, if I had one.

So while Captain Planet's BLOWing the rain cloud away, he's spotted by Vermy, who yells, and I kid you not here, "HEY YOU! GET OFFA MY CLOUD!"

Somebody probably lost their career after this.

Anyway, Captain Planet continues talking, "Now for a basic chemistry lesson: To neutralize acid, add a healthy dose of Sodium Carbonite."

Um, thanks? I suppose that will be useful in my future college chemistry courses.

So he grabs a huge underground deposit of it, which is shaped like a great big white ball, about the size of a decent sized house, flies up, and neutralizes the cloud.

Well that was shockingly simple.

Oh wait, he still has to beat somebody up. OK, so Captain Planet starts flying towards the Ratmen's car, while they try to shoot at him with their toxic sludge gun. Only they keep missing, and every single time Captain Planet will say, "Missed me!"

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It's like watching somebody play and incredibly difficult early video game.

So Captain Planet flies down and breaks their gun, prompting the Ratmen to flee underground. Rather then go after them, as he is fully capable of doing so, Captain Planet flies over to the Planeteers to tell them how awesome Matee is, and let them know that the power is theirs because they haven't figured this out yet.

Then he vanishes.

Then the Planeteers congratulate Matee on being awesome.

Then Matee's back on the island, and gets over the wall in the obstacle course. And Gaia congratulates Matee on being awesome.

Yep, that's about it.

AND NOW IT'S 'HOW TO SAVE THE PLANET' TIPS TIME!

It basically boils down to "Acid rain is bad, so write a letter to an important politician and tell them to make sure there's no Acid Rain."

OK then, here goes!

Dear Mr. Harper,

Hi. My name is Saraez and I was watching Captain Planet just the other day when they mentioned that acid rain is bad. Since you're an important guy, could you make sure to prevent acid rain? Thanks!

Sincerely,

Saraez.

Think that'll convince him?

<3





 
 
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