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my life is full of hidden pencils
summer nights
i hate summer. i hate it! the sun gives me headaches. i hate being hot. i turn in to an angry red lobster. i am not a kid so summer is not longer fun. most of all i hate summer nights.
by some strange twist of fate i wound up being the only one this year with experience. gaah i just realize this will be my fourth summer. at the end of last summer our coordinator died. then the other coordinators job was cut. mine was cut too. stupid lost funding for none profit community groups.
anyway the new coordinator has been working since January. the guy running the program and the coordinator both have never been to this program. so i am stuck in volunteer hell. only two weeks of pay. maybe a hand out here or there. forecast suggested hail and they did not know what to do. the college volunteers did not know what to do.
i knew half the people there. the had a stupid moon bounce. why, why? those are awful! so one college volunteer was dealing with it. parents and kids kept coming to me because they were getting hurt and hit by basketballs. the moon bounce was on the basketball court. so i went up and for two hours policed the stupid moon bounce. when you drop everything you are doing because of a crisis it does not occur to you that you will wind up on the basketball court left to dehydrate. i was stuck in the sun for two hours. not good. headache now. random little kid came up and hugged me. the guy running it told the college volunteer something about learning something from me. i turned to them and said the only kids i have not yelled at here were new. was not being flippant about that. when did i become so assertive. by the end of the cyber cafe i just did not care.
ha! speaking of....one of the girls who had called me a fat a** and threw rocks at me was there. this was the one how grabbed her crotch and said suck my d**k. i was having problems with her. more of the same. i am racist and unfair and all that. maybe my therapist is right. maybe this all is getting to me.
why did i have to watch the latex death bounce? oh right no one else would rescue the volunteer.
when i showed up the coordinator and guy running it looked nervous. one of the kids i have know for four year ran up and gave me a hug. other people came over to talk. they looked relieved.
the coordinator who is leaving, my boss did not bother to come over and say hi. no one came over to check on me. offer water. there was a dj who had problems blurring out the swear words in the songs. he play something i think they were singing about birthday sex. the mayor thanked everyone. i know i am no one. i wish i could walk away. i wish i could walk away.
why am i doing this? i am not even getting paid after the next two weeks. well at least i was able to tell them that the green safety people were named martin and pete. we named then last year. pete is the one missing an eye.
i seem to have acquired a whistle though. one of the life guard ones. he he he. i wonder if that will help.





 
 
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