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Losing My Love

I am hungry.
Again.

For the third time this moon, the pack has made a kill. The second time I have helped bring it down. And this time, like every other time, I get to gnaw on the bare-stripped bones that lay out waiting for me, after the pack has stripped the carcass of meat.

My brothers and sisters do no understand- I am not of their Alpha and Beta ranks. I remain an Omega, ever since I was a pup. I was never one for ambition- I preferred to hunt alone rather than lead. Many look upon me as an outcast because of my strange ways. I don't mind- mostly, when I'm around, I just take care of the pups while the pack hunts- then I am at least guaranteed some food.

Hunger growls in the pit of my stomach. I let out a sigh, thinking of taking down small prey, that cannot be taken away from me. Fox, badger, a rabbit. All sufficient for my unnourished winter body. Stretching my strong legs, I shake my grey coat. Padding softly out of my cave and into the winter quiet, my senses grow keen.

A crack in the bushes, snow falling upon the trees, the squeak of a mouse. What is hidden to the Man, we can smell. Darting into the thick woods, I quickly happen upon a large white hare. Swiftly, I take a death grip, breaking its neck. Famished, I bite into the warm meat.

A growling rises behind me. I drop my prey, whirling to face the danger. A loner, I think, it could be dangerous- if I escape, I need to warn the pack. But it is no loner that comes upon me. It is my own brother- Alarik, the Alpha of the pack. On top of being the biggest wolf and leader, he didn't like me one bit.

A snarl escaped my lips. “What do you want, Alarik? It's a small kill- I have my own right to it.” I was starving- I wasn't going to give up my kill without a fight.

Alarik's eyes narrowed. “You dare to stake claim on food above me? Filthy Iemen!” He spat the last words, like a curse or something foul tasting from his mouth. He was crouching lower each second, and I could tell he was poising for an attack- to gain food, and my submission.

A moment later, Alarik was in the air, his teeth exposed. Moving quickly, I darted to my left, the better of my sides. Knowing me and expecting this, Alarik hit the ground and spun, grabbing my back leg. I yelped in pain, his teeth sinking deeper. He let go, and crouched over me.

“You know what to do. “ he growled confidently in my ear. His teeth were bared, and could easily be used on my throat instead of my leg. Torn, I put my tail between my legs- submission. Pleased, he pushed me away, and dragged my kill back into the forest. I stared after him, a growl rising in my throat- I ignored it.

Trudging through the woods, I saw the bulk of our pack gathered. Some older pups, playing in their first snow. Elders, watching the amusement with time weathered eyes. And Nyra, the Alpha female, presiding with ice cold eyes over it all. I did not know how she had gotten to the top- she had killed a pup as a younger wolf, and still, no one cast her out. She rose through the ranks and killed the Alpha female before her.

Our pack is one of treachery and murder, I thought, perhaps that is why I only care for the innocent, the new- the pups. It was the truth- I enjoyed the new innocent life, taking care and feeding them. Watching over them, out of harms way.

More than once, I had considered taking my mate and leaving this pack. We were lower ranking, which meant there was no guarantee our pups would survive. Added, no one knew they were my pups. Sekhmet was one that never mated, and she was not known to reveal anything about herself. Because if anyone was to find out- she would be killed. I left alive, only to suffer on.

A howling pierced the eerie quiet- Sekhmet, one of the non-ranking females and my mate, was calling to me from our cave. I thought of her warm touch, and threw my head back. I howled- long, proud and true. I howled for what I had lost, but also for everything I had to fight for.

Running through the woods, I saw our cave, its entrance almost covered by snow. Away from others, we could be together alone here. Bursting through the barrier, the chills of the outdoors left me as the cave filled me with warmth- almost undetectable, but still warm.

Sekhmet was lying on the far end of the cave on a bed of moss and leaves. Her sides were bulging- she was heavy with pups. She looked up at me, her eyes warm. “I have been waiting for you- I'm so cold, and hard work can wait until after me.” She smiled, her eyes warm and welcoming- I was always surprised that I did not get lost in their lovely embrace I love her so much, I thought.

Coming up between her and the wall, I settled in softly next to her. “How are the” our “pups?” Her once warms eyes were set ablaze. “Oh Iemen, they kicked today. I felt it, my heart and body. I can almost hear their little yelping already.” I sighed happily, knowing that once the snows had calmed, our pups would come.

Laying our heads together, we closed our eyes and surrendered to the sleep that relieved us.

~~~~~~~~~~

I awoke in the very early and dark morning to the sound of muffled words outside our now snow-enclosed cave. Quickly and gently shaking Sekhmet by the scruff to wake her, I crept closer to the entry to hear the wolves outside.

It was Nyra and Alarik.

“Alarik, they are his! Our pups must dominate this pack, with pure blood!” Nyra growled.

“Then we will kill the female. Only Iemen if you have to- he shall suffer alone.” Alarik replied.

Kill the female. Sekhmet. Our pups. I rushed quickly back to her. She was disgruntled, but I needed her to listen. I gave her a look of worry and fear, and she instantly looked at me more gravely. “You must leave. Use the back tunnel, go to the Clargeel Pack. I have ties there- they will accept you.” Sekhmets eyes grew wide with fear, but I was not afraid. I was sending her safely to a clan of peace- she would be safe.

Beckoning her through the small back tunnel, she turned, her eyes pleading. “Come with me. Raise our pups. Iemen, don't leave me!” she cried. I felt the tears run down my own cheeks and muzzle. “Sekhmet, it must be this way. I always want you to be safe. Always. I love you. Now go!” Taking one last look at her forever love, Sekhmet turned and shuffled forward, crouching low in the confined space.

I turnied around and tried to get away from her escape route as quickly as I could- then Nyra and Alarik pounced through the snow barrier, looking around with wild angry eyes. Nyra glared at me, and Alarik looked angry, yet with guilt in his eyes. I took comfort in the fact that my own brother, at least, had some sympathy for me. He knew my love for Sekhmet- yet he was doing nothing to stop the advancing Nyra.

“Where is she?” growled Nyra. I opened my mouth. Not waiting for an answer, she ran forward without warning, taking me off guard and knocking me over. I fought her- I battered with my paws as best I could, but she was clearly not here for me and we both knew it. I snapped at her, trying to reach her throat. But she was healthier and stronger, easily evading me.

Putting her paws on either side of my head, she looked down on me. The hatred and fury glowing in her eyes battled with the hope, sadness, and love mixed together in mine. She raised her head, howling in rage and defeat, then lunged down for my throat- the clear intent to kill. I looked away as she tore the fatal bite.

I didn't fight it. I didn't want to- everything was going to be fine. There was nothing. Darkness surrounded me, then light. Warmth, warmth was everywhere. And as I felt myself losing everything in this world, I opened my eyes for one last time. And I saw my love- she was trudging through the snow. Only not alone. An entire pack was around her, protecting her and the unborn pups. She will be alright. With the last knowledge that my love was alright, I let myself go- I passed through the final gate.



Orphan Loss

Cold. That was the main thing that I noticed. It was so cold. The breeze drifted past me and I shivered as I scurried through the chilling rain. I didn’t even notice I was wet until I stepped into the tall gloomy building. The air conditioning hit me, and I was more cold than I had ever been. I looked down at myself to realise not only was I wet, I was soaked.
I shivered uncontrollably as I stepped from foot to foot, wringing out my hair and my clothes as I did so. Great, now the carpet was wet! I couldn’t think of what else to do. I needed to get upstairs, quick, before they came in. But I didn’t want to drip too much. Hesitating, I gave up and took of my clothes, they’d just drip too much water everywhere. Leaving my clothes briefly in an already soaked patch of carpet, I ran around the foyer as fast as I could, which wasn’t very fast without me having an asthma attack; until as much of the water had air dryed on me as quickly possible. I ran back and wrung out my clothes, keeping one eye on the frosted glass door as I made the puddle larger and larger. I probably should have done this outside, but too late now.
The clothes had stopped dripping, and I think I can see their silhouettes now, in the dismal rain. I gathered my clothes in my arms and ran as fast as I could up the six flights of steps, carpeted, tiles, wood, cement, bricks, and stone. On the seventh floor, I tiptoed through the cold stone floor, shivering still, trying not to make a sound, or think about my nudity, as I hoped to God no one had noticed me in the foyer. I slipped into the fifth door and immediately dumped my clothes in the hamper reserved for such rainy days. The clothes already in there were starting to smell a little, but I had to push through them to make sure mine were at the bottom. I had to hide the evidence as best I could.
My hair was still dripping, but no one seemed to be awake, so I slipped silently into the bathroom, and grabbed a towel, drying my hair as best I could, while listening out for someone to be coming up. I slipped back into the dormitory and got changed into my pyjamas. Thankfully no one was awake, and no one had come in, so I slipped into my bed at the end of the dormitory, right by the window, and pulled the covers over me. Hopefully no one had noticed my absence, or my naked running.
I woke up in the morning as I always did, by the bell chiming down the corridor. Moaning, I got up and got changed on my bed with the curtains pulled tightly around the four poster bed. A lot of people didn’t bother with curtains any more, they were used to it, and they had seen each other naked before, but me… Well, I felt shy when someone saw my naked body. Just another reason I hoped my running about last night hadn’t been noticed.
Breakfast was the same sordid affair as ever. On the second carpeted floor, we ate at the long tables filling the entire floor, which was one room. I was the one alone, eating at the end of one table, no one joining me. I looked around the room, hoping no one was noticing my shivers, but knowing that they wouldn’t notice me if I stripped down and ran along the tables kicking bowls and plates of food into peoples faces.
No one ever noticed me. That was something I could be thankful of.
I ate my breakfast quickly, stacking the dishes, and waiting by the stairs to go down. I was the first in a line of girls and boys that grew and had to curve to fit in the room. The bell rang, and everyone surged forwards and passed me, battering my small body from side to side as they ran down the stairs.
The morning rush was always the worst. I always stood at the front, because I didn’t want to be the last one in, as I would be if I were last. For me, I could be the last one through at any point in the line, except for the first. I have never been a very fast runner, and my asthma is really bad in the cold mornings. If I stand at the front, their momentum pushes me forward as I make my own feeble attempt at getting through quickly, and I end up being one of the last out, but thankfully not the last.
I hurried through the foyer with the rush and lined up with my class. I was the last person to line up bar one, a small boy who was in the same class as me, standing behind me in the line, looking dejected. He must have been the last one through the doors. The teachers came next, lining up in front of their classes, and calling the rolls, before marching their students off.
I followed my teacher, out into the next door building, and up to the seventh floor. I was about to sit down in my usual seat at the front of the class when the boy from before sat there before me. I stood for a moment, looking at the seat that I always sat in, before sitting down in the available one behind it.
I worked silently through the lesson, as always, being passed up for answers by the teacher, who always chose someone else, even when my hand was first in the air.
When lunch came around, I took my sandwiches and moved back to my seat. When he was finished, the boy in front of me turned around in his seat to face me.
‘Hi.’ He said. I looked up at him from carefully disecting my sandwich, taking off the meat and crusts, being careful not to leave a blob of tomato sauce or crum on my desk.
‘Hi.’ I responded, surprised. Someone actually noticed me. And not only that, they talked to me. Well, this has been so far unheard of at this school.
‘My names Nicholas. What’s yours?’ He asked, holding out his hand.
‘Alice.’ I responded, taking his hand, a smile creeping up my features despite myself. It was nice to talk to someone, and to be noticed.
‘Nice name.’ He commented, returning my smile. ‘I’m new here.’ He said, as if I didn’t already know. ‘Yet apparantly that doesn’t excuse me from the dishes on my first day.’ He pulled a face, and I laughed. Something I haven’t done since my last school.
‘I had to do dishes all my first month before I figured out to eat fast and get to the front of the line.’ I admitted, still smiling. ‘I haven’t been here that long myself.’ I told him, casting a quick look out the window before looking back at him.
‘Good to know I’m not the only one who’s done dishes on their first day.’ He responded, and seeing as the volume in the room was rising, the teacher decided that we’ve all finished lunch and were ready to go on with our lessons.
After lessons had finished for the day, I disappeared into the crowd to get back to the cafeteria for afternoon tea. I felt very sorry for Nicholas. It was hard cleaning up four loads of dishes for nearly two thousand people. I was one of the first people into the cafeteria, and sat down at my same seat, at the end of the table, and as always the seats around me stayed clear as more people came in. I was surprised when Nicholas sat down beside me. I didn’t see him at first, and was shocked when I saw someone sitting besides me. I almost choked on my muffin.
When I cleared my airway I smiled at him.
‘Hi.’ I said, my eyes still teary from choking.
‘Hi.’ He said back, and I could tell that he was making an effort not to laugh. He took a bite of his own muffin and we both ate in silence for a while. When I had finished my muffin I looked over at him.
‘I’d help you with the dishes,’ I said, ‘but this is the only free time I have and I’ve got somewhere I need to be.’ I smiled at him again as I got up and put my plate away. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow?’ I asked as I passed him again, on my way out. He nodded, looking dejected over his muffin. ‘Cheer up, and don’t worry about them. It’s not as hard as it looks if you just concentrate.’ I advised him, before heading down to the foyer and out of the building. The teacher on supervision didn’t notice me as I went through the doors, but I waited until I was out of sight until I started walking faster despite myself. I reached the house I was looking for in no time, and knocked on the door.
‘Alice?’ Came the tentative whisper.
‘Of course it’s me Lena.’ I whispered back, leaning my forehead against the cool wood of the door. I heard the sound of bolts being pulled and the door opened to a very pale but familiar face.
‘Come in.’ She said, taking my hand and pulling me in, closing and bolting the door behind me. ‘They’re fighting again.’ She whispered as she dragged me up two flights of stairs and into the small bedroom we used to share. She bolted the door and led me over to the bed I once slept in. I sat down on the pink bed sheets and looked at my sister.
‘I’m so glad you’re not locked up in that place with me, Leens.’ I whispered, looking down at my clasped hands.
A couple of years ago the four of us had been a happy family. My sister, my parents, and myself. But then my father had to go and ruin it all. He found some woman in Ireland and moved, never to be seen by us again. My mother was in shock. She was a zombie around the house for months. But then she found a new boyfriend. That was when it all turned bad.
For the first month or so, he was fine, all smiles, and even helping our mother and us get better. Then he moved in. It all started then. It began when he struck our mother. Then he turned to us.
Lena was younger than me by three years, so I always tried to protect her. I ended up getting most of the beatings, and for a while Lena was safe. Well, for a while. Our neighbour found out. But my mother wouldn’t get rid of her boyfriend, so our neighbour told the police. They thought it was only me who had to be protected. They didn’t see the worse scars or marks on my mother, and Lena had none. All they saw was my broken nose, ribs, black eyes, and other cuts and bruises.
It ended with a restraining order. Neither my mother, nor her boyfriend could come within fifteen feet of me without been arrested. And then I was sent to Saint Victor’s, a very large school for orphans. Every night when we were allowed out into the streets of London, I visited my sister. My mother wouldn’t let him beat her. She’d hated losing me, and didn’t want to lose Lena as well. But that didn’t stop the occasional cut or bruise from appearing on my sisters pale skin.
‘I’ll get us out of here some day, Leens.’ I said, and hugged the small form of my sister. She seemed to be getting thinner every day I saw her, which worried me to no end. I made a note to bring as much food as I could slip in my bag tomorrow.
‘Here, let’s get you something to eat.’ I said. She sat down silently on her bed, as I stood up on my own, reaching up to push a panel in the ceiling that had a small circle drawn on it in one corner. My fingers reached inside and I pulled my small frame up into the gap between the ceiling and the roof. I rummaged around for where I kept my store of coins. When our father left, he did one good thing. He had always been rich, and he gave me and Lena a few thousand pounds each, which he made me promise to only use in emergencies. So far, I hadn’t spent any of mine. I knew Lena’s had been found by our mother’s boyfriend and he’d spent all the money on alcohol. I slipped the purse into my pocket and dropped back down onto my bed.
‘Are you allowed out?’ I asked softly. My sister thought for a moment before nodding, and it was my turn to take her hand as I led her out onto the street and through the streets of London until I found a decent diner and ordered her a large meal, paying for it and watching over her while she ate. I dropped her off at home qucikly before racing back to the orphanage for my own dinner.
‘How’d you go?’ I asked Nicholas as he sat down next to me looking exhausted. I was still breathing hard from running back to the building, and wishing I had had the foresight to bring my inhaler with me.
‘I finished all of the breakfast and afternoon tea dishes.’ He told me, eating his steak as I slipped mine into my bag quietly. ‘But I’ve got these ones still to do.’ He watched me as I slipped all of my dinner into my bag, but didn’t question me.
‘So why are you here?’ I asked when we were alone in the kitchen. I had offered to help him clean up the dinner dishes. That way he’d be finished in half the time and get a chance to find his new room and bed.
‘My parents died.’ He said, scrubbing a plate that must have belonged to a person who loved tomato sauce.
‘That’s horrible.’ I said, looking down at the suds we were creating as I scrubbed hard at a dish.
‘Yeah, I know. But that’s why everyone’s here isn’t it? I mean, it is an orphanage, after all, right?’ He asked, drying the plate and stacking it up on the clean pile.
‘Most people.’ I said, adding my own plate to his and not elaborating.
‘Why are you here?’ He asked carefully after silence had stretched between us for a few uncomfortable minutes.
‘My father left and my mother’s new boyfriend hit me. I have a restraining order against them both and my father won’t speak to me. I had nowhere else to go.’ I said quietly as I dried a glass.
‘That sucks.’ He said, and I nodded. We didn’t talk the rest of the time, but the silence wasn’t as uncomfortable as it had been before.
‘Thanks for helping me.’ He said, when we had finished and wiped down the benches, I nodded and quickly went upstairs to my dormitory. I got changed quickly and took a few puffs of my inhaler, letting it ease my shallow breathing.
I went down to breakfast the next morning, and sat next to Nicholas. Someone wasn’t ignoring me. I was going to take that as a good sign.
‘Eat quickly.’ I advised as I swallowed my own food fast, and stood up walking over quickly to the door. He was after me before anyone else, and we continued talking for a while in line. He waited for me when he was through and we both walked the rest of the way to our line together.
We didn’t notice anything different until we got to class. The girl who I used to sit beside was gone. She had been a small weedy girl with thick glasses and greasy black hair. She had a list of medical problems two miles long. She couldn’t have been adopted.
Nicholas didn’t notice anything, this was only his second day after all. My hand was up as soon as everyone had sat down. When ten minutes had passed with my hand in the air and the teacher talking to everyone about the King who chopped off his wives heads, I got more desperate.
‘Miss.’ I asked, since my hand was obviously not attracting her attention. She still didn’t seem to notice me. By the arm I had in the air was sore, so I changed it,and even stood up to show her how much I wanted her attention. She still didn’t notice me. Nicholas, however, did, and stuck his own hand up. She noticed him alright.
‘Yes, uhh, Nick?’ She asked, looking down at her roll since she must have forgotten his name already.
‘I think Alice has something she’d like to ask you.’ Nicholas said, waving his hand back at me to show the teacher who he meant.
‘Oh. Alright. Alice?’
‘Where’s Casey gone?’ I asked, remembering the girls name. The teacher looked at me blankly for a moment.
‘Casey?’ She asked, and looked down at the empty seat and at the roll. ‘There’s no record of a Casey here.’ She said. I looked at her in disbelief. Casey had been one of the first people with their hands in the air countless times. And she always had the correct answer. She could probably be described as our teachers favourite.
‘What do you mean there’s no record of a Casey?’ I asked, indignant. ‘She used to sit right there, and every time her hand was up you picked her, and she always had the right answer!’ How could she just forget the student who could probably be described as her favourite so easily?
‘Alex, enough. There has never been a Casey at this school.’
‘Alice!’ I said. How could she forget my name so quickly?
‘Yes, Alex, that’s what I said.’ And then she went back to her class no matter how many times I put my hand up and even went so far as to say ‘miss’ again.
‘What was up with that?’ Nicholas asked me when it was lunch time.
‘I don’t know.’ I said, letting my forehead rest on the wood of my desk. ‘You remember someone sitting there, don’t you?’ I asked.
‘To be honest, I don’t think so, Alice.’ Nicholas said gravely. When I looked at him in disbelief he held his hands up as if to protect himself. ‘I don’t mean it like that. I mean, I believe you, Alice. I just don’t remember seeing someone sitting there.’ Alice looked at him.
‘I think I’m going insane.’ She groand and let her head drop back onto the table.
‘Don’t worry about it.’ Nicholas advised her. ‘Maybe she just got adopted. I mean, the teacher doesn’t look like she’d remember anyone’s name. She might have responded if you had said Katie or something.’ Alice couldn’t help but smile at that.
‘I don’t know.’ She whispered. ‘I think something’s up.’



Diary of A. Wolf - Adventurer, Ladies Man and Prolific Hibernator

***

First Week of Spring

Well, this being the first entry in my diary, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is A. Wolf, Mr. A. Wolf if you’d like. Ladies, worry not, there’s more than enough wolf for everyone. Well, there was a little too much for all the women-folk when I first laid down all full in fall time, but now I’m lean and mean and a killing machine!

…okay, so really I still feel kinda sluggish, like I have rocks in my belly or something. Hibernation’s over. I realize most wolves don’t really hibernate, but I don’t have a pack to run with (and I DON’T want to get into that story) and it gets COLD outside! So yes, I just woke up from hibernation. I should really stretch my legs, sharpen my teeth and claws, get that done and ready so I can go hunting.

I’m STARVING!

Man am I ever starving. I don’t think I’ve been this hungry since…since…okay since last winter’s hibernation. I like hibernating okay? I get to be lazy half the year, then really active and ferocious the other half. It’s great!

***

Second Week of Spring

Have you ever tried to argue with a dragon about who has the rights to a particular flock of sheep?
Don’t do it.
Just don’t do it.
Trust me on this one. It just HURTS.

***

Third Week of Spring

Oooh, you wouldn’t believe it! I got a bumper crop this week! So many sheep, oh, I’m just stuffed to the brim with muttony goodness! Okay, so this is how it went down. I go to a new field, double check for dragons and to my luck, this little s**t of a 9 year old boy is guarding the field! And I’m thinking, oh year, little twerp can REALLY help, sure. Most he can do is rally the townspeople. I can get at least one good sheep in my belly before his fat little legs will take him to the town centre. So I start scarfin’ em up, one by one. The kid goes and starts screamin’ WOLF WOLF over and over again. My ears hurt after a while. But here’s the great part…

NOBODY CAME! Nobody came! No matter how much this kid hollered no one came! I finished off the entire flock! I rushed through half of it before realizing I could just go and take my sweet time! And you bet I did, oh yeah!
…I’m not a glutton, I just like my mutton, all right?
Someone hurt me if I ever rhyme like that again. Please.
But yeah, so then the boy comes back and has this horrible pity-me expression on his face. Poor kid – I just had to take pity on him and end his miserable existence with a good chomp chomp. He was less tasty than the sheep – a little too fatty, but some of his organs were really interesting tasting. It’s not often you get to have a bite of human, although I would’ve preferred a girl. More breast-meat. Mmm…

***

Fourth Week of Spring

Again, if a neighbouring dragon decides that your territory is suddenly his territory or at least that he gets all the sheep he wants – don’t question him.

Just don’t.

I’m going to have to grow a whole new coat now, I’m practically naked and it’s not even summer yet.

***

Fifth Week of Spring

You know what today is? Today’s the day when those damned three little pigs are going to finally leave their mother’s roost and set up their own homes! I know what you’re thinking, why are you, a wolf, so concerned about a couple of momma’s boy porkers? Well that’s exactly the point, they’re pure PORK. Yum. That one sow is pretty mean, chased me off when I tried to get them when they were babes before winter. You wouldn’t think a pig could be that feisty! Anyhow, I just have to wait until the time is right, and mama’s watchful eye gets clouded over with old-age cataracts. Then it’s bacon time!

***

Sixth Week of Spring

I just had the youngest pig over at my house. For breakfast. IN MY BELLY! Haha! Disney, you’ve got nothing on me, I ATE HIM. And he was delicious! I made a roast, I had the tenderloin, I made the bacon – I even made the BACKBACON. I’m so proud of myself that I didn’t just eat the whole thing raw this time – I actually went ahead and did some cooking. Definitely worth it. Definitely. Next stop – the middle pig.

***

Seventh Week of Spring.

Good news – the middle pig was the finest pig I’ve ever eaten. A real tender boy. Must have been the favourite. I let him marinate a little around the carcass of his younger brother, might have been why he was so tasty.

Bad news – my a**. My a** is burnt. Not the normal ‘******** you I’m taking your sheep’ dragon burn, but the ‘I fell in hot water at the end of a chimney burn’ because Mr. Oldest Brother pig is a ******** SMARTASS and built his ******** house out of bricks! The hell? Humans can do masonry, but PIGS? How am I supposed to get a decent meal if pigs start living in ******** brick houses? I’m still in a cave for god’s sake.

All my a** hair is GONE, by the way. Sure this would be great if it was mating season and I was gay and I wasn’t divorced from my pack (and again, NO, I’m not telling you why) – but I’m not any of those three things! I look like a hairless cat on my rump. The RABBITS are laughing at me when I come outside of the cave. I caught a few and ate them to let them know who was boss around here, but I swear to god they’re still snickering when I go to sleep at night. Damn rodents.

***

Eighth Week of Spring

My hair has started to grow back, and it BURNS I tell you! Now I understand why the women in the villages scratch their crotches so often. Humans are constantly in mating season, and apparently a bald crotch means more chance of a mate. But it ITCHES!!

***

First Week of Summer

It’s been a while since I’ve written, because it was mating season…and…I didn’t exactly have anyone…to mate with. Let’s just leave it at that. I definitely didn’t spend the last month alternately howling at pregnant wolves and crying myself. Nope, didn’t happen. Not at all.

***

Second Week of Summer

I really haven’t had enough human meat recently. Summers are usually crawling with humans watering their plants and visiting their relatives – I should start keeping watch on the paths, nab some passers-by for a quick snack. All right, here’s my plan – I’m going to plot out all usual human footpaths – not the ones with the coaches, I don’t really want to get run over. I’ll plot out the footpaths and just lie in wait for morsels! It can’t be that hard, there’s a lot of fresh meat just waiting for me!

***

Fourth Week of Summer

So…this one’s going to be a bit long. My body feels like it weighs nothing, like I’m on air. I’m also surprised that I’m even alive. Here’s the scoop.

I was doing quite well on the nab humans off the footpaths plan, and I had just switched routes. This little girl comes skipping by and starts picking flowers. I’m just about to pounce on her when she turns around and says hello. Humans never talk to me, I was shocked! She wasn’t afraid at all! Was she dropped on the head as a child? I wasn’t really sure what to do, so I just chatted for a bit – which was great because she told me she was on the way to her grandmother’s house, who lived just up the road. Kid really should learn to keep her mouth shut.

So I leave the kid for now, because while human-veal is delicious, the longer a meat ages, the better it tastes. I get to Grandma’s house, and swallow her whole – I like to chew my food normally, but she was screaming so loud I just wanted to shut her up. Plus it feels really cool when humans start screaming inside your stomach! It’s like these trippy vibrations…from the inside.

But anyhow, so the little girl with the red coat is coming soon, so I put some of her grandmother’s clothes on and the little spectacles and disguise myself as her grandma. Okay, I realize in hindsight that is probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever done in my life, but every wolf should try on human clothes once. It’s very enlightening. For instance, did you know that humans wear clothing under their clothing? Crazy, isn’t it?

Anyways, so the girl comes in, and we talk a bit, and then I eat her, and she’s delicious. By this time I have both Granny and Little Red screaming in my stomach, and I’m so fat with the food that I break Granny’s nightie. Whoops. So I go outside to have a nice afternoon nap in the sun, and I’m really, really tired, and it’s sunny, so I nap.

I wake up and there’s ******** ROCKS in my stomach and I’m at the BOTTOM OF A ******** WELL. Who does that?! And there’s this huge gash on my belly that’s been stitched up like one of Granny’s shitty little quilts. And this is a DEEP well. By this point I’m panicking and think I’m probably going to die. Like, seriously die. After a few hours I can hear Granny and Little Red having tea with some gruff sounding guy. ******** save-the-day men. They never save MY day, just helpless women. They make MY day worse – I can’t digest rocks, a*****e! I ate them because I needed to live! And because they were tasty…

So I manage to throw up half the rocks by sticking my paws down my throat (and that process is disgusting, trust me). Then I had enough weight off that I could try to climb the well. That took a while. I slid down at least seven times before I actually managed to get halfway up. I don’t know how long it took me to get out. But I did. I got out, and my stomach was so tired from holding those rocks in that my seams broke and the rocks all tumbled out. And so did my organs. So I shoved those back in, stormed into Granny’s cottage, killed her and her granddaughter and ate most of them (in small, bite sized chunks for added safety), then used their intestines and a sharp bone to sew myself back together. May I add that this procedure REALLY ******** HURT? I was in so much pain, and I bled, and then I went and nursed my wounds back in this cave.

My mom always told me to chew my food before I swallowed. I guess she wasn’t kidding.

***

The End



Ground Zer0



A solar system is really nothing more than a delicate arrangement of science and imagination. Fragile, it needs to be tended for, lest it becomes a terrible and festering wound. Those who tend for it are called system Administrators, working the balance of the world.

In Zero, they called the Administrator “Arygros”.

He would stay in the core day in and day out, plugged into the world’s database. He would remain there chained by wires as he watched his planet spin. The gravity and the rotation, the days and the night, Arygros watched over it all. Screens would flash graphs, forcing him to make sure the data was correct.

It always was. The stars went in the right order and the storms came at the right times. Nothing ever went astray, and nothing ever seemed to change. It did not matter what the humans on the planet claimed; their planet was sedentary. And it pressed their Administrator with a greater weight than he could bear.

Until eventually that weight began to press down on him. First on his body, and then on his eyes. Like a dark, beckoning blanket, it wrapped around him. He tried to watch the screen systems. He tried to resist the call. However, it was already carrying him away. So he did the only thing he could think of doing; he obeyed his exhaustion.

And he slept. Even as a small error light blinked over and over on the computer screen, he slept.

And he slept until he could sleep no more. Until his eyes shot open and stared at his screens. He had wondered how long he had drifted off, and he had wondered if there was anyone around to care. However, these wonders washed away when he saw the red lights all around him, flashing like a silent siren.

The screens were showing the gene pool, where all life grabbed its DNA, and where everything was born. There was a virus quickly creeping inside, as the Administrator stared. His eyes grew with panic and he shouted, “System shut-off in the genetic sector!” trying to pull the place where the virus was. Perhaps he could quarantine it and protect the…

But it was too late. The damage had already been done.

Then somewhere on Zero, a child was born without arms. A moment later, another was born without lungs. Another without eyes. And another with the powers to neglect the existence gravity. And one out ever few children born across the planet would have its own glitch. The genes scrambled and twisted in new and frightening ways.

Old and experienced, Arygros accepted this fate of the children as his punishment for his ignorance, even as he received reports of mortality rates skyrocketing. Unwillingly, he watched this unfortunate fate spin into normalcy.

However, humans were less accepting. Those who were not affected began to grow distant from those who were, afraid of what could happen if they got too close. They named these unfortunate few the “Glitched” and avoided them at all costs.

And so the world beats on, without a step out of place.

----

Here are some notes from the editor of this story:

Actually, that’s a lie; I am no editor, though I like to think that I am every so often. Yet I still have the right to say that the Administrator was treated too fairly by the Writer. He succumbed people like me to racism and darkness. He left children to be born without any hope of survival and yet all he can do is shrug and say “Oops! So it goes?” And that’s somehow okay?

I’m sorry; I never introduced myself. My name is Melinda Farme, and I am one of the Glitched. I confess that I did not realize until I started having these visions and dreams. They were visions that told me that there was nothing to this world but pen and paper. They told me that everyone around me was imbedded with the ability to live in this world peacefully. They will never know that we are all at the mercy of the Writer.

I was born without this. This is my glitch, from what I can tell. I do not know whether I should be grateful or not. After all, ignorance is bliss, right? I don’t know if the Writer knows. If he does, he hasn’t said anything.

But enough about me. On with the show, right?

----

Melinda Farme scribbled down a few words in her journal and placed it by her nightstand. She sat beside her bed for a while, feeling unsurprisingly lonely. It was a weekend and she was going to sleep at eight-thirty. No one ever had to know she had a glitch; she was one of the few who could have hid it away.

Yet she insisted that she was glitched until people wrote her off as crazy and desperate for attention. So they quarantined her anyway, ignoring her until the point that her room was the only place she wanted to be. The odd thing was, she preferred it this way.

As she stared out her window and watched the other kids her age play on the their bikes, she traced circles on her window with her fingers. She was not staring out wistfully, only staring. Making friends was just not her science. And like most of the Glitched, the laws of science did not always apply to her.

However, unlike most Glitched, she did not know the full extent of what was afflicting her.

----

System Administrator Arygros of the Planet Zero:
Observation Log: Entry 234-6A-98:

The computers have been showing me different codes that are pumping the genetic fabric of Zero recently. I have researched this back to the gene pool and have found strange binary code in the system. Normally this would not concern me; strange codes have been commonplace ever since the Virus.

Yet, this code has more power than I would like. It seems to be deconstructing and rebuilding the system. Needless to say, this concerns me. I tried, a few hours ago, to find its source. The system is still running the search. However, I suspect that this is a new glitch. I fear that it could have the ability to manipulate reality. Once I locate the owner, I will consider taking action.

For now, I remain at my post. I shall follow this up.

Observation Log: Entry 234-6A-98: Concluded

----

Melinda Farme ate her lunch in her room, still staring out of her window. Like a Repunzel without a prayer, all she did was stay on her window seat and stare into the light of day. She wrote and she ate. Yet she was still alone. She never realized life didn’t have to be like this. She never imagined that she had the glitch to change everything she thought she knew.

Yet, those gears were somehow already in motion. She watched the kids play without much interest before getting up to place her dishes on her desk. She knew her parents would come for them later. She did not need to worry about things like that.

However, when she returned to her seat at her window, she noticed something new. Or rather, she noticed someone new. A small boy, perhaps her age or younger, was standing in front of her house. He was not like the other boys or girls in her neighborhood. He did not seem concerned with imaginations and games.

He had blue eyes, almost clear and pupil-less from what Melinda could. His hair looked white in the sunlight. However, that was not what concerned Melinda. Both of those things could result from glitches.

What concerned her was that he was staring steadily at her window. Startled, she turned away, only to look back a moment later. He was still there. He stood with the kind of stance that told her that even if she left for an hour or two, he would still be there, looking intently at the window.

Finally, Melinda looked back at him, from her safe little window seat. The boy lifted his hands above his head, motioning for her to open the window. Curious, the girl did so. However, she only opened it a crack, not wanting to expose herself too much to the world outside.

“Come play with me,” the boy said, staring up at her. He did not shout, but was still loud enough for the girl to hear from the second story. She only looked at him as though he were foolish. The boy did not sound foolish. He did not even sound innocent or childish. It was a command, lacking emotion or desperation, “Come play with me,” he repeated, his eyes and face still blank.

Startled by the lack of humanity in the young boy, she shut the window quickly. He did not budge. Disturbed, Melinda did budge. She moved off of her window seat and closed the curtains. She climbed onto her bed and grabbed a book, sealing the boy out of her mind.

----

System Administrator Arygros of the Planet Zero:
Observation Log: Entry 234-6B-99:

I found the source of the strange binary code. I have already sent a representative of myself to investigate the threat. Her given name is Melinda Farme; however her code is 317-N29-165Z. She lives with her biological parents, yet has a strained relationship with the outside world. Given this information, she is not a threat to the existence to the world. This glitch of hers, or “Ground Zero” as I have been calling it, is reaching full maturity. So naturally, the less she knows of it, the better.

However, I need to get closer. I need to find out more in order to form a more educated hypothesis. Also, if necessary, I may need to terminate her.

Observation Log: Entry 234-6B-99:Concluded

----

He is there again, the boy. I don’t know if I can stand this any more. Every day or so, he’s always there. He’s always staring at the window, at me. And then he mouths those words at me: “Come play with me”. Ugh. It’s like something out of a bad horror movie. And it’s annoying and creepy.

But am I holding back the plot? Am I trying to avoid something that shouldn’t be avoided?

You know what? I’m going to go out there and play with the stupid boy. There. Is that what you want, Mr. Writer? I hope it will make him go away, at the least. Ignoring him hasn’t been helping; so this seems to just make sense.

Here I go. Watch me go.

----

And so she went. She left her room and felt the wood floor beneath her feet. Had she left her room more than once in a blue moon, this would not feel strange to her. Yet she did not leave her room that often. So she wrinkled her nose and went to the door, wiggling her toes to accustom herself to the house she lived in.

Her mother heard the noise of her daughter opening the front door and perked up with interest, “Honey? Is everything alright?”

Everything was fine. Melinda nodded, though knew her more could not see her. She felt the sunlight wash over her as she nudged open the screen door. She did not wince; the sunlight was not new to her.

She looked to the left and saw the strange boy, still staring at the second story room, with no emotion in his eyes. She closed her eyes in order obtain some form of Zen.

“I’m here to play with you,” she said softly. The boy turned around to face her. So mechanical and sharp were his movements. They sent a cold shiver up Melinda’s spine. Cold. That was a good word to describe him.

“I changed my mind,” the boy then said, taking Melinda by surprise, “You are too dangerous to play with. You will only hurt me.” The boy stared into her eyes stiffly. Melinda stared at him in confusion.

----

Dangerous? I’ll show you dangerous Kid! I swing my arm back, forming a fist with my hand. I haven’t done this in a long time. My breath catches as I release my blow on the boy. It’s almost…what’s the word? Exhilarating?

My hand hits something metal. Oh god. The boy. Metal. Oh god. What are you doing Mr. Writer?

“You aren’t human,” I whisper as I take a few steps back. I look at my house. I should shut myself inside. I should return to my habit of hiding. And yet…

“Please do not do that again,” the boy says to me, sounding a little shaken up. Can robots be shaken up? “You will make the other kids worry.”

“I can do whatever I want!” I fire back loudly. Well I can. He is not the boss of me, metal or not. I am the boss of me.

----

System Administrator Arygros of the Planet Zero:
Observation Log: Entry 234-6C-99:

Subject is resisting. I have no choice but to shut down the time stream in order to prevent public unrest.

Time Stream: now going into standby.

Observation Log: Entry 234-6C-99: Concluded

----

With the time shut off, Arygros could now operate without any interruptions. The small boy pulled out a shut off port from a chamber in his chest. All representatives of an Administrator where equipped with materials to decommission any living thing on the life planet. Like turning a computer off permanently, it was the only way to peacefully get rid of something that was not supposed to be there.

Admittedly, Arygros would usually never shut off a human, no matter of how dangerous they were. However, this glitch, Ground Zero, was a result of his mistake. He was the only one who could take responsibility. This became painfully clear as the boy approached the girl with the port.

That’s when Melinda opened her eyes.

----

System Administrator Arygros of the Planet Zero:
Observation Log: Entry 234-6D-99:

Subject is making holes in the time stream using her glitch. I am now switching the representative off autopilot. I need to take care of this myself.

Observation Log: Entry 234-6D-99: Concluded

----

The boy is still there. He is still staring at me. Yet, something is different. The air feels staler and the earth feels quieter. I look to the children playing in their places, frozen by time. Frozen by the writer? Or frozen by the boy? Or perhaps…

“I demand an explanation,” I say, surprised at how scared I sound. I am shaking from my head to my feet, and my breath is caught in my throat. Yet I don’t think I should be this frightened.

“You have a terrible glitch Melinda Rose Farme,” the boy says. Yet, the voice is different. It is less metallic, but even more cold. It seems as though I should know whom it belongs to. It’s almost as if I’m playing with fire here.

“You are the Administrator,” the words gush out of my mouth automatically as everything clicks in my mind, “People talk about you. They say you made the glitches. You say you are the one that made me this way. Well if you are offering to take it back, I don’t want it. I’m the only one who knows the truth. I’m the only one who knows we are all book. Just words on a page.”

He’s hissing at me now through his little metal teeth and glaring at me with his metal eyes, “You do not know what you are saying!” Oh but I do. He’s holding something. I don’t know what he’s holding, but I don’t like it.

I step back a little ways to avoid whatever he is planning. He steps forward, “This time thing is cool,” I note casually, trying to catch Mister Administrator off his guard, “Did you do it?”

“Melinda,” he says carefully, as if talking nicely will get him anywhere, “You have to listen to me. I need to eliminate your glitch. If you are not careful…” he begins. He stops short, “Do you not want to be like them?” he points to the other children, stopped in the middle of their laughter, “Do you want to be alone forever?”

“If the Writer doesn’t want me to be alone, I won’t be,” I tell him firmly. He hushes me sharply. I take a few more steps back. I’m against a tree; a tree I can climb if need be. Robots can’t climb trees, right?

“You need to listen to me carefully,” says the boy.

----

He told her everything. He told her of Ground Zero and he told her of the universe’s science. And he told her how her idle fantasies of writers could destroy them all.

She laughed to herself at the boy’s words, “There is nothing that we can control,” she said delightfully, her sense of danger slipping away. Why, this was just a silly imaginative boy with a silly imaginative machine that probably did nothing.

“You are incorrect; we all shape the world around us in little ways,” Arygros said through the representative as he inched closer to the girl, hoping she would not notice he was getting closer. She did not. Or at least, she did not move from the tree. Arygros hated to fight. He just wanted this over with. He just wanted to return to a world where he could control everything. He did not want one night of sleep destroying everything he had, “But you, you are the divine heroine of this story. With your white horse, your glitch, you can change the world.”

----

Change the world? I don’t think so. Yet still, it’s a nice thought. Of course, it didn’t matter how many glitches someone had. No one could manipulate the world around him or her. No one could just make something exist because he or she wishes it so.

But what if I could?

----

What if she could? Without her, would this story even exist? Would I? Perhaps I'm not the one really making this story. Am I really in control? What if there is something spiraling beyond my power? What if-?

----

System Administrator Arygros of the Planet Zero:
Observation Log: Entry 234-7A-100:

The subject has stopped resisting. However, she now knows far too much. Now sending the representative forth to decommission her before she starts getting ideas.

Observation Log: Entry 234-7A-100: Concluded

----

He’s coming for me now. He’s running. I am running. He is faster. He has the machine. I don’t think it does nothing. Because I feel funny. I feel light.

Mister Writer, can you save me? Mister Writer? Can you hear me?

----

System Administrator Arygros of the Planet Zero:
Observation Log: Entry 234-7B-100:

My theories on the subject’s glitch were not mistaken. However, now she is tucked away in the core of the world, just like me. Silent and sleeping, no one will ever bother her. Just like she always wanted. I will momentarily begin to hook her glitch to my system. With her power, I will be able to control Zero more smoothly. I will finally be able to rest.

Still, I cannot help but wonder about the things she said. Are we really just a story or a figment of someone else’s imagination? Or was the “story” just a figment of her imagination? Did she create a reality of it? These are just musings, yes. However, one unanswered question does need to be addressed:

Is the story over?

Observation Log: Entry 234-7B-100: Concluded