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All right, here's the scoop: I love my boyfriend, and when I say love, I mean love him BIG time.

But...there's always a but...

Lots of crap has been happening to both of us of late. I'm having trouble with school, I have to work twenty hours on the weekends in order to just pay the bills - forget any lunch over $1 or so while on campus - my older brother does next to nothing to help keep the house semi-clean, I bike to school because I suck at driving and still don't have my license, and then there's my boyfriend to top things off. Nice, very nice.

With him...well, like me, he's broke. That always sucks. So he works a ton of hours at the theater, plus he now has a second job. But he won't tell me what that job is because it's too embarassing, apparently. He's running on hardly any sleep; so am I. And...um, yeah, so far as I know, that's what he's got on his plate. He won't tell me any more than that.

For the past...well, maybe almost two months now, I haven't really seen him. Pretty much since school started up. He works, I work and go to school, so it's understandable that it would be hard to get together. But I mean...I <i>never</i> see him unless I'm the one that makes the effort. I don't see him unless I go over to the theater, but then he's working, so it's not like I'm really getting to see him because I can't just stand around and talk to him. He's got a job to do.

The thing that has frustrated me the most has been his constant promising of calling me or coming over to see me, and then having nothing happen. He's broken pretty all those promises he has made. I'm lucky if he actually picks up his cell phone. I left a bunch of messages for a few days, all basically saying that if things didn't change, I was breaking up with him. Well, turns out he left his phone in Dayton (don't know how you do that) so he didn't hear them until maybe three or four days later. And I watched him as he listened to all of them...and he laughed. At about every single one. He <i>laughed</i>...and then told me I was mean.

He's smoking more...I asked him last night because he called me, believe it or not. He was on his way to his "secret job." I asked him if he was smoking more, he said yes, I asked if it was as much as a pack a day like he used to smoke..."Maybe." I'll take that as a yes. Wouldn't surprise me if he's drinking more, too.

So...I'm trying to figure out...I love this guy, right? And when we actually are together, it's awesome. This is the guy who has told me he one day wants to marry me. But...this is how's he acting. He doesn't seem to be working at all at keeping us together, I seem to be the only one putting in any effort. Yeah, we're both busy, but...come on! I find time to leave messages on his phone and go to see him at his work...why can't he find time to do the same for me?

Should I break up with him or not?

I don't want to, but maybe it's the smart thing to do.