Frustration, you have a mix of both confusion and anger all at once. You need to let it out, do something like write yourself a letter to vent.
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you are mysterious.you are the one that everyone knows is there, but cant get close enough to know you as a person. the thought of being alone without being part of a majority is more important and appealing than having to conform to a set structure. the feeling of darkness and having your own space allows you to be who you want to be without having someone there to stop you and tell you what you have to be and do.
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