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The hours devour me My life's wasted waiting here for you There's nothing left of me Lost in a void I don't see There's nothing left to believe The end is now I surrender The war is over The rain is falling And all that's left has blown away Your eyes are haunted By what you wanted I surrender (I surrender) The war is over The anger I keep for you The bitter lessons I will keep for me There's nothing I can do To save you from your own hell There's nothing left for you The end is now I surrender The war is over The rain is falling And all that's left has blown away Your eyes are haunted By what you wanted I surrender (I surrender) The war is over (It's over now) I can see it, I can see what you've become I can feel it, as everything goes numb The war is over The rain is falling And all that's left has blown away Your eyes are haunted By what you wanted I surrender (I surrender) The war is over ---------- I'm funny. No, ******** hilarious. What I want is not what I need, not this person I see. I'm looking for validation, to be noticed I don't want love from this. Its my obsession with being noticed, I want people to notice me, to see the real me and accept me. So far I don't have the acceptance, I just have the noticing. I am crazy to them, just the jovial little girl that is comedic relief. I just want to be accepted by them, by a person...and I don't know why. I confuse these feelings with love, or like but it makes me happy. But then I feel dirty knowing that these feelings have no foundation. I tried talking to a close friend about this, but she would interrupt me about her life. She must like hearing herself talk, because I just want to confide in someone I believed I could trust. This confuses me to the point where I just think I should let my heart be broken. For some reason I believe I deserve that fate. To break the heart only to build it up to break it once again. My family tells me there is something more to this, and I might actually be happy, my friends tell me there might be something there, but not what I seek. I just wish they'd stop making fun of me. ...They can see it bothers me sometimes. Looks like tomorrow will be the day in which I confront him and tell him to stop making me feel smaller than I really am. There is a thin line between love and hate. I hate that line, it needs to be thicker.

Posted by: ShaIIow Fri Dec 23, 2005 @ 04:32am

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Keene Maverick
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Commented on: Fri Dec 23, 2005 @ 07:06am


	Very true that you seek acceptance... But why? Why seek it outside yourself? Because you do not have it inside yourself. If you can accept yourself for who you are, then not only will others accept you, but you will not even need them to accept you at that point. How can someone accept the real you, if you do not accept it yourself? Are you going to show the real you to someone else if you wont even allow yourself the pleasure of loving you? How can someone get to know and accept you until you first accept everything about yourself?

Commented on: Fri Dec 23, 2005 @ 04:26pm


	Who says I have or haven't accepted myself. I actually like myself for who I am and come to accept the fact that I have faults no matter how hard I try to actually fix them. Most people don't realize that even if I put myself down at times, I still love myself. Though even with that love for myself and that I accept myself no one even takes the time to notice. I used to have zero confidence, it lead me to stay inside and play Gaia all day while ignoring the real world. I have some confidence now, and that got me my job, the courage to go to school and actually talk to people. For a lot of people that may not be much, but its a lot to me. If I didn't accept myself for who I am, I wouldn't be able to have the confidence and be more out going.

ShaIIow
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Keene Maverick
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Commented on: Sat Dec 24, 2005 @ 06:11am


	Then why are you seeking justification from outside sources? What can they possibly give you that you cannot gain yourself? I'm not suggesting you haven't made progress. From what I know of you (granted, it's not much) you've made great progress. But you still want people to take the time to notice your progression. It's like you don't really believe that you have progressed, and you need someone to pat you on the head and say "good girl, you're growing." You need someone to validate that the changes you made have in fact been the right ones. Stop that. Relax. Keep going, but not for any other reason than to make yourself (YOURSELF!!!) happy. Who cares what others notice? It doesn't matter.

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