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Mental Cesspool
All the little thoughts, problems, and concerns that I may be dealing with at any given time, spread out for the internet to see.
Only 3 Days
I will post the three days' worth of events that happened while I was with my Dad. (For those of you that don't know, my uncle had kicked me out because he thoughts I was a lesbian, so I was forced to move back in with my dad.)
Bear in mind that I had taken some advice from Koneko and maintained a very calm, very neutral voice whenever I spoke with Cathy, right up until the point where I lost it.

Day 1: I woke up at 6am. Showered, dressed, ate breakfast. I watched tv until 734am.
Cathy comes into the living room and tells me to shut the tv off.
She says that I am not staying there so that I can lay on my a** and watch her tv.
I told her I was going to leave around 8 to go look for work.
She said she didn't want to see me back until 5.
I asked why that was, because Dad had told me to stay out for about 4-6 hours, and I had been planning to come back around 2.
She said "No. You need to get out of this house and look for work for at LEAST 8 hours a day. You're not going to stay here and lay on your a** all day."
I said I wasn't planning on laying on my a**, and did she not see my outfit? I was ready to go look for work.
She sat down on the couch.
I stood up and made for the door.
She starts yelling at me to get my a** back over there.
I do.
She yells about how my hair is in my face, and that she would "Never ******** hire someone with their hair in their face! Would you, dumbass!?"
I stay silent.
She rants about how I'm lazy, and how I'm not allowed to watch tv, play video games, or use the internet while I'm there. She also says that I'm not to cook in her kitchen; that if I can't eat what she cooks, then I can walk down and buy myself some fast food.
I nod and agree.
She tells me to get out of the house.
I ask if she'll be locking the front door when she leaves.
She says "Yes, I always lock the door."
I ask "Will you be locking the back door?"
She says "I ALWAYS lock the back door, Amanda. What difference does it make?"
I say "I don't have a key. I need a way to get back inside."
Cathy says "You won't be back until five. You don't need a key; I'll be back before you are."
I say okay and leave to go job hunting for the day. No luck. I come back at around four. Cathy and I have a civil conversation and the day ends uneventful.
(She didn't cook dinner, though.)


Day 2: I woke up at 614am. I got up, dressed, grabbed some clothes and threw them in the washer to wash before going to look for work (all my dress clothes were dirty.) I took a shower. I got out of the shower and went into my room to wait for my clothes to finish washing.
I heard Cathy leave her room, walk to the laundry room, and turn the washing machine off.
I went out to see if I had maybe set it wrong and she was fixing it. I walked down the hall to the kitchen.
Cathy rounded the corner and came at me before I could get to the laundry room.
Cathy begins (very literally) screaming at me about putting clothes in the washer. She said things along the lines of me screwing up her entire morning routine and that I've known for years that she does laundry in the mornings and I'm only supposed to do mine at night. She began cussing and asked what the ******** was wrong with me, asking what would possess me to do something like that. Then she ordered me to find a laundry basket and take my clothes out of the washer.
I said okay and left the room to try and find a laundry basket.
Cathy calls my dad and starts (again, very literally) screaming at him at the top of her lungs. She was being loud enough that I could hear every word of hers. She yelled and cussed about me disrupting her routine and giving her attitude about it.
I went out into the living room. I couldn't find a laundry basket. I asked Cathy if she still wanted me to get my clothes out of the washer.
She says "What are you going to do!? Carry them across the floor and drip water everywhere!?"
I say "No, I was going to get a garbage bag."
She says "Garbage bags have holes, Amanda!!"
I say "I was going to double bag them."
She says "Oh, so you're going to waste one of my garbage bags? Why the ******** would you do that!?"
I say "I wasn't going to waste them. I was going to dry them out and save them so I could use them another time."
She says "Bullshit!" She then sits down on the couch and begins ranting. She asks if I think my staying in her house is permanent. She tells me that I have one month to get out of her house, job or not. She says that she's tired of me being there and that she wants me out of her house. She also demands that to ensure that I don't disrupt her morning routine ever again, I'm to be out of the house looking for work before 7am. She then ordered me out of the room, saying she was tired of looking at me.
I go get my things and leave to look for work. I come back around 4. Dad lets me in. I don't speak to Cathy for the rest of the night.


Day 3: Dad had said yesterday that he and I would go out to the courthouse today and take care of a few things. I said alright, and I decided to sleep in and wait for him to get up (he'd been working really late the past few days and wanted to sleep in for that morning.). I woke up at 720ishAm to Cathy kicking my bed to wake me up.
She said "It's past 7. Get out."
I said "I'm waiting for dad to get up."
She said "He's sleeping in today. You need to get a job. Get out!"
I said "I'm in my pajamas, cathy. I'm not ready and it'll be a while."
She said "Too bad! Get out of my house and get a job! NOW."
I looked at her. And I said "No."
She lost it. She got about an inch or two from my face and started screaming for me to get out of her house right now, to get my s**t and get out on the street because she didn't give a s**t where I went, she just wanted me out.
I told her to knock it off.
She grabbed my pillow and my backpack and ran out of my room, throwing my things outside, telling me to get out of her house.
I ran into my dad's room and said "Dad, she's throwing my things outside!"
He said "What? God, can't you two stop for even a minute!?"
Cathy comes back and pulls the door shut. She tells me to leave my dad the ******** alone because he was sleeping in. She kept getting closer and closer to me, screaming in my face for me to get out.
I asked her to please stop yelling at me.
She grabbed my necklace (the one that Koneko gave me) and snapped it off my neck.
I lost it. I grabbed her wrist and screamed "YOU b***h! GIVE IT BACK, YOU ******** WHORE!" I was only interested in my necklace, and once I had it, I let go and stepped away from her, crying and holding my necklace in my hands, staring at it.
When I had grabbed her wrist, Cathy started screaming for my dad, saying I was hitting her. She pushed me away and purposefully slammed herself against the wall while I stood there crying over my necklace and staring at her.
My dad came out and started asking both of us what happened.
I was too busy staring and crying over my necklace to care. I started to shake violently.
Cathy said she was calling the police and ran to get the phone.
Dad told me to go to my room.
I heard Cathy giving the police our address before I went to my room.
Dad made her hang up the phone.
I sat in my room crying over my necklace and shaking.
Dad knocked on my door and told me to get dressed.
I did, and went out to see dad in the entryway.
Cathy was nowhere to be seen.
Dad told me to get my things together, that he was getting me an apartment that day if it killed him.
I said okay, and took some bags out to the truck.
Dad decided to wait in the truck for me while I got the last of my things.
I walked inside and grabbed my last bag from my bedroom. I left and passed Cathy in the hallway.
She stopped me and looked at me. And with a straight face, she said "You know that I never would have broken your necklace if you hadn't come at me in the first place, Amanda."
I stared at her, and then hefted my bag on my shoulder, walking by. I said as I passed her "You can lie to yourself for all I care Cathy, but don't you dare lie to me."
Cathy called back after me "Whatever, Amanda! You know what you did!"
I called back "So do you," before I walked out the door.


We weren't able to get me an apartment, so dad put me in a hotel for the night. I was forced to move back in with my uncle Rick. He's the one who invited me back; I really don't understand him.
I've decided to enter the job corps and become a computer technician. I really wanna be a programmer though, so I'm thinking that after this bit of training at job corp, I can look into more schooling as a programmer.
Anyway. That's been my life for the last four days. I'm at my uncle's house this very second, in fact, using my cousin's laptop. So there you have it; you all know what life's been like for me now.





 
 
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