Greetings and Salutations my movie loving friends.
I am here once again in my private theater with a very empty bucket of popcorn and a dry mouth from lack of soda. I have not two, but three movies that I have viewed and I plan on telling you all about them.
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is a quagmire of great talent and laughs. John C. Reilly plays a Vampire named Larten Crepsley and he is the main blood sucker in this movie but sadly this movie isn't about him. It is about a half vampire named Darren Shan (Chris Massoglia) who just happens to be obsessed with spiders, not the undead. This arachnid obsession is what lands him in hot blood as it were.
A large blue and red tarantula named Ms. Octa causes Darren to become entranced by her rarity enough to steal her from her owner, which just happens to be Crepsley. In the midst of his theft, Crepsley and a a vampiric cohort burst into the room making Darren slip into a closet. Soon after this barge in there ends a second barge in from Darren's friend Steve who just happens to be obsessed with Vampires.
A comedy of errors after that lands Darren in quite a pickle. Save his best friend and become a vampire's assistant or let his best friend die. He of course, being the stand up boy he is, chooses the former.
This movie is a blend of comedy, action, and vampiric drama. Believe it or not this movie does it splendidly. With the fact that the cast makes this movie very entertaining, the special effects for the vampires is not over the top. The story is plotted out at the perfect pace and on top of that, even though you see the end of the movie in the beginning (via a book coming to life) it does keep some amount of suspense. Selma Hayek, Ken Watanabe, Orlando Jones, and Willem Dafoe have great cameo's and are not just thrown in for star power.
With a small amount of violence, a lot of laughs, and of course a group of freaks, this is a family friendly movie that all can enjoy.
I give Cirque du Freak: the Vampire's Assistant: 4 blood bags out of 5
From Freak shows staring Vampires to freak shows staring couples. We have the newest comedy from the mind of John Favreau and Vince Vaughn. Couples Retreat. This star studded comedy is a movie that makes you laugh out loud more than once. There is a mixture of spills and flops that makes you wonder how these people came to be the way they are.
Jason Bateman plays (remarkable) a character names Jason, who is only 1/4 of the power behind this comedy. Bateman takes a**l to a new level with his planing and it is enough to drive a wedge between him and his wife Cynthia (Kristen Bell). A divorce is "On the table" and Bateman turns to his friends; Vaughn (Dave), Favreau (Joey), and Faizon Love (Shane). While Bell in turn cries for help in their wives; Davis (Lucy) and Akerman (Ronnie). This help lands them in Eden, a couple's skill building island paradise.
This set of four couples (Love is divorced and brings his 20 year old girl friend with him) arrive to a "Screen Saver" of an island paradise under false pretenses from Jason and Cynthia. They all find out that there are problems between each couple that they had not seen before. Joey and Lucy are on the verge of divorce as well but kept it secret. Dave is a workaholic who bulldozes his wife and "de-prioritizes her", where Shane and Trudy (Kali Hawk) have the age difference of 45 and 20. Jean Reno plays a wonderful New-age couple healing master.
This Movie has it all: Beautiful women, witty comedy, amazing scenery, and stars that make you feel that the connection between the characters is real. There is not a moment to miss in this romantic comedy and Favreau & Vaughn have really out done themselves this time.
I give Couples Retreat; 5 screen saver paradises out of 5.
And lastly a quick review of a movie that has been out for a while unlike the two previous. Blood: the Last Vampire is a movie based of an Anime. The anime of Blood was rather short and quite dark, where as the live action rendition of it is a good length and sticks to the dark gritty feel of the original.
The transformations and the quirk of the "Slayer" Saya never letting on why the people have to die sticks in this and makes it one of the rare Gems that ever come from this genre; Anime into live action Movies. Movies like Dragonball and the like bring cause to groan when you hear of them but Blood: the last Vampire make you rethink and give this genre a second chance.
The movie keeps the same look, the same feel, and the same gore as in the animation but adds enough to stand on its own.
This is definitely a must see if you like the action vampire movie. Rent this or buy it if you must, but it is something you have to allow yourself to experience.
I give Blood: The Last Vampire: 4 blood drenched swords out of 5
Well there you have it folks, not one bad movie in the bunch.
As a critic you are forced to watch some of the most god awful movies in the world, but in the same breath some of the best. These three get my seals of approval.
I hope you have enjoyed our time together today because it seems harder and harder to enjoy the finer things in life. Well until next time, ta-ta!
Colespire666 Community Member 
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