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I'm nothing but scum i lie, i cheat, i do thinks i deeply regret. i know many people have been hurt because of me.
jeremy, and so many others were hurt because of my foolish actions because i can't keep it togther, i wish i could tell you all how much i wan to escape this world, this life, this living hell...all i can really say is,

if you had me you hate me,
if you want me you'll just get hurt and hate too.

if i could do it all again, i would change most everything.

i'm leaving next week to Katar, i won't be back until who knows when.
I will miss you all. To be honoest from the deepest part of my heart. i actually join the airforce so i could die and have a reason to die, so at least i wouldn't have to comit suicide, and it will be what i desirve.

Let it all burn, i will burn first, am i lost in your eyes? Hate me, they made me, kill this beast it can't be saved. this child of fell beast must die for the good of all....i'm no angel. you all deserve an angel. not me. not this demon hellish life.

i can only hope if you read this then you would understand why i must die.
life is nothing but pain and misery. it's what i deserve. and its what i want. to get away from this hellish pain.