I don't know what to do anymore.
I find myself looking at this computer screen more and more
doing the same things over again.
as he does the same with his video games
but it doesn't affect him because i don't think he realizes
yes he tells me he loves me, yes he still hugs me when i come home
yes i know hes not doing anything behind my back
then why am i so pissed off?
why am i so depressed?
why am i finding myself hopeless?
I know i dont have friends where i live, there all gone away to college and s**t
or wont even deal with me
Im 19 years old...
i wake up, go to the computer blast music, clean my house
chat to some ppl who still talk to me
worry a lot about money....I make 184 a week.plus...i get 588$ a month
- 175$ for oil, -100$ phone bill, -200$ food cost, -250$ for a washer and dryer
I work 3 days a week, i dont have my education completed, my bf doesnt have a job yet and its been like a good 2 months maybe more im not totally sure
I wanna ball my eyes out, sleep, cut myself which i can do but i stop myself because the wrist is tattoo with someone very special to me and I miss him dearly
I cant cry to my bf because he doesn't know how to reach in a way, sometimes yes i cry for the stupidest things but i just worry too much.
then i tried drinking, i didnt b***h, complain, worry. i was just balanced in a intoxicated way plus i started smoking while drinking which im not allowed to do...yes i know its "bad" so im stopping that but i wont stop drinking just limit it to when i really have money to do it which isnt often and thats how it should stay
I find myself scared i'll lose my current job and have no choice but to go back to wal-mart where i'll have to deal with daniel probably attempting me to drop my bf to go out with him....a Man...no boy who once in a relationship with someone becomes their b***h...Im sorry but i wanna man who at least is going to have a head on his shoulder and not do whatever i say
I just want someone to be here for me when i break down...to just lie to me at that moment that maybe tomorrow will be a better day or...something...anything
yes i know this is pathetic in a way but hell i dont care right now.........Goodnight
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My life and pets. <3
:D I have to write more in this.
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