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The other day, I had a dream (after crying myself to asleep because I was worried sick about the first semester of school coming to an end and the possibility that I had failed the first semester of my AP English class), and in that dream, I had gone online and found a thread dedicated to hating me.

In my dream, I was skimming through page after page after page after page of people bashing me, flaming me, mocking me. The pages seemed to go on forever, but I couldn't bring myself to try to read through all of it. And as I read, I noticed that the way these people were talking about me sounded as though they knew me, as though we had known each other at some point. Then I realized that the people posting these things were friends of mine: old friends, current friends, ex-friends. I couldn't remember the usernames of those that posted, and I couldn't read their usernames because they seemed blurred in my dream. But I could tell that everyone posting had been, at some point, a friend of mine.

After that, I woke up and went to school, a little shaky about the dream.

I told two friends of mine about the dream. One of them said that it was probably just a paranoid social-nightmare, but that she could clearly see why it would bother me. I know she's right, but still, what if part of that dream were true? What if I do have friends who hate me? I'd imagine that those who were my friends and then abandoned me probably did hate me, anyway, and quite frankly, I'm not very peachy-keen with them either nowadays, but what of my other friends? And what of my current friends now?

Yes, this dream really did quite a number on my self-esteem....