Lately I've been.. I don't know.. feeling like a ghost I guess. I keep dreaming of my future.. Thinking of scenarios.. what to do in them.. I'm honestly starting to think that I have way too much free time to be healthy.
Why can't I go out and make friends like normal people do? I can go places.. but I don't know where. I should talk to my friends more.. but I just don't. What is it with me? I don't want to be antisocial.. but.. My voice just won't let me speak sometimes.
I wish I were brave.. Not just brave, but strong enough to join in conversations.. Talk to people.. say things and not be afraid of what others will say back to me.. Is it because I don't like myself? Is that why I'm not confident?
Is it because I'm afraid that people see me as something different than I see myself?
I don't get it.. what is it about me that makes me feel so different on the inside?
Like how on the outside, an egg is plain and white... nothing special about it.. while on the inside it holds a life, completely different from that shell..
When I look at myself.. why don't I feel like myself..?
I just want to be normal.. liked.. maybe a little out-going..
But that's not me.
But I don't know what "me" is...
I can't be sad now, though..
I've got to be strong. For the future.. Or.. what I hope is the future..
Whenever I dream of a future for myself.. somehow.. it just ends up...
Seeming like it's never going to happen..
I can't be happy, can I?
God... I don't even know why I write this crap.
Like anyone really wants to know what goes on in my mind..
 Kagenagaru · Sat Jan 30, 2010 @ 06:45am · 0 Comments |
