~First Things First~
You can get a general "who the ******** is this person" from my about me
and everything there is true... but it doesn't get into the meat of who Ninde is
no, the story behind me is still a mystery to you.
Until now.
All my life I've been moved around, one town to the next, one state to the next
and I'll go ahead and say it right now, it's been hell.
Making friends only to have to leave them within a year,
when I was older, forming relationships, falling "in love" and then doing the same thing
the longest I've ever been in one place was 7 years, and I thank the powers that be for that time every day
I've been living in my current residence for the last two years and I've finally started to like it.
Now that were almost up to date I can go into more detail of the last few years that have made me mature more than I have in my whole life:
When I first moved to Wisconsin (omg did she really just tell me where she lived?!) yes I did get over it.
I was miserable, moving across the country will do that to you I guess,
but I made a friend, even if it didn't last long, it lasted long enough for me to make the biggest mistake of my life.
I'll admit I was never the "goody-goody" type, being a preacher's kid will do that to you too.
I gave myself piercings, I smoked, both Marijuana and Cigarettes
so naturally I floated to the "bad crowd" in the tiny town I lived in,
this is where I met the guy who I would stay with for the next year and five days.
He was nice at first, kinda' cute if you like the "I'm a badass so I don't have to take a shower every day" type
he smoked so that was an interest plus for me because that meant free cigarettes
I was naive so that was a plus for him
everything was going fine
he didn't like me talking to my ex's but what guy wouldn't?
so I stopped even though they were pretty much my best friends
then he said I was cheating on him when I went on the interent
this made me mad, I'm not the cheating type so to prove that I wasn't
I stopped talking to guys on the internet period
then I discovered that he had been dating someone else the entire time
and I was the other woman
he made it into a contest between this other girl and I
saying "who ever can make me happier gets me"
now I call him a pompous a** for saying that but that's not what I thought at the time
I fell for it and began trying to be "the perfect girlfriend"
the other girl was smarter, she just dropped him and started dating girls
so he was mine
until he met my best firend
and he flirted with her mercelessly right in front of me
him and I broke up for a month
and during this time he went around with my friend,
he wouldn't let me NOT be with them
he wouldn't let me move on
whenever I showed an interest in another guy
he would say I never loved him
and then he got bored with my friend
I'm guessing it's because she wouldn't open her legs
but he came back to me
and I let him
things were okay for a while
but he kept on turning his eye to other people
One day when we were finally broken up
or as he put it "taking a break" because he was going to come back to me eventually and he knew it
we got into a fight, not a physical one, I had been flirting with one of his friends
and he pulled the "you never loved me" line again
and I agreed with him
I told him he was right
"I don't love you now, you treat me horribly"
we went back and forth for forever we had started fighting around 10 at night
sometime around 3:50 we stopped for a cigarette break
as I lit mine I gagged and almost threw up
when I looked back up he was staring at me then looked away
"are you going to be okay?" he asked
"yeah, I'm fine" I responded
"good, congratulations by the way, you aren't infertile like I thought"
What?! how could he say something like that while we were in the middle of a fight?!
Regardless of his reasoning we were back together two days later
Now I'll skip all the arguments we had over the next three weeks,
it was mostly just him guilting me into not breaking up with him the entire time anyway
I ended up telling my mom, and she took me to the doctor turns out I was nine weeks along at this point.
yes, the bun in my oven had been cooking like mad, even with me smoking like a chimney.
I had begun to adjust, I realized that this guy I'd been with for the past 11 months was not the kind of person I wanted to raise a child with.
So I ended it.
For good this time.
and he took it like a man at first saying that he was going to go to a different town to look for work so I could pay Child support.
I was amazed
it was the most adult thing he had done the entire time I knew him
or so I thought
turned out he just went home and cried to his mommy about how much of a b***h I was and that I was never going to let him see his kid.
Two days after this he was back (surprise surprise eh?)
I didn't say anything to him for the first 3 hours we were in the same room, just completely ignored him
finally he cracked and started talking first
I didn't say anything
at first
he went on and on about how my reasons didn't make sense
and how him and I belonged together
and because my reasons didn't make sense
I should just jump back on the boat with him.
to this I calmly responded
No
I wasn't about to get involved again
he got mad
and started repeating what he had said before
I rolled my eyes and stood up to get a glass of water
I had started to get dehydrated and being pregnant and dehydrated was not a good mix
so I tried to get up to get water
he wouldn't let me
so I raised my voice and told him that I needed some water because I was dehydrated
he then proceeded to scream "don't yell at me!"
I was scared so I ducked under his arm and tried to go for the front door
He grabbed me around the waist and threw me across the room,
not letting me leave, now I was very scared
I ran for the back door this time
as I was trying to open it I heard him behind me tell my friend to call 911
why would he say that?
he must have known exactly what he was going to do
otherwise why say that?
He came at me and I moved into the corner, using my arms as a shield instinctively to protect my stomach
he hit me then, close fisted, and still managed to get my stomach once.
after the stomach hit, when I had turned my back to him he stopped hitting me
he wrapped his arms around me and started apologizing "i'm sorry I'm so sorry"
I kept telling him to get away from me I didn't want him touching me
I screamed at him to go away
then the front door opened
and he turned to see who was there
I took my opportunity and opened the back door
I ran until I was far enough away that I would know if he was coming after me
then I started crying
I wanted to go to the park and just cry until I couldn't cry anymore
but when I was half way there my friend drove by in her car and told me to go back to her house
so I did
I told her what had happened when her back was turned, what she didn't see
then I told her I wanted to go home and talk to my mom so we could go to the police
I filed a report
my friend filed a witness report
then I went to the doctor to get an ultrasound
to make sure there wasn't any internal bleeding
and to make sure the baby was okay
thankfully everything was okay
The police picked him up after that
and he spent the night in jail
he wasn't allowed any contact with me until they decided what to do with him
I was scared
hell I still am
To cut my literary brain vomit short (or to attempt to at least)
about a month later he convinced my friend who filed the witness report that he was in love with her
so they started dating again
my birthday comes around (it's not that big of a time gap tbqh)
and I have all these plans with her
she leaves early claiming exaustion
ten minutes later I see her out my back window at his house.
I confront her the next morning when she says that she just wants to stay home
ruining my plans with her
I haven't talked to her since then.
I was going to go into the pregnancy but this is crazy long and I'll have to save that for another journal.
The next one will have pictures and video <3
I guess I should thank you for reading all this
It really does explain who I am
Why I'm this way
and it makes it easier to understand where I'm coming from
again sorry for the word explosion all over your screen sweatdrop
You can get a general "who the ******** is this person" from my about me
and everything there is true... but it doesn't get into the meat of who Ninde is
no, the story behind me is still a mystery to you.
Until now.
All my life I've been moved around, one town to the next, one state to the next
and I'll go ahead and say it right now, it's been hell.
Making friends only to have to leave them within a year,
when I was older, forming relationships, falling "in love" and then doing the same thing
the longest I've ever been in one place was 7 years, and I thank the powers that be for that time every day
I've been living in my current residence for the last two years and I've finally started to like it.
Now that were almost up to date I can go into more detail of the last few years that have made me mature more than I have in my whole life:
When I first moved to Wisconsin (omg did she really just tell me where she lived?!) yes I did get over it.
I was miserable, moving across the country will do that to you I guess,
but I made a friend, even if it didn't last long, it lasted long enough for me to make the biggest mistake of my life.
I'll admit I was never the "goody-goody" type, being a preacher's kid will do that to you too.
I gave myself piercings, I smoked, both Marijuana and Cigarettes
so naturally I floated to the "bad crowd" in the tiny town I lived in,
this is where I met the guy who I would stay with for the next year and five days.
He was nice at first, kinda' cute if you like the "I'm a badass so I don't have to take a shower every day" type
he smoked so that was an interest plus for me because that meant free cigarettes
I was naive so that was a plus for him
everything was going fine
he didn't like me talking to my ex's but what guy wouldn't?
so I stopped even though they were pretty much my best friends
then he said I was cheating on him when I went on the interent
this made me mad, I'm not the cheating type so to prove that I wasn't
I stopped talking to guys on the internet period
then I discovered that he had been dating someone else the entire time
and I was the other woman
he made it into a contest between this other girl and I
saying "who ever can make me happier gets me"
now I call him a pompous a** for saying that but that's not what I thought at the time
I fell for it and began trying to be "the perfect girlfriend"
the other girl was smarter, she just dropped him and started dating girls
so he was mine
until he met my best firend
and he flirted with her mercelessly right in front of me
him and I broke up for a month
and during this time he went around with my friend,
he wouldn't let me NOT be with them
he wouldn't let me move on
whenever I showed an interest in another guy
he would say I never loved him
and then he got bored with my friend
I'm guessing it's because she wouldn't open her legs
but he came back to me
and I let him
things were okay for a while
but he kept on turning his eye to other people
One day when we were finally broken up
or as he put it "taking a break" because he was going to come back to me eventually and he knew it
we got into a fight, not a physical one, I had been flirting with one of his friends
and he pulled the "you never loved me" line again
and I agreed with him
I told him he was right
"I don't love you now, you treat me horribly"
we went back and forth for forever we had started fighting around 10 at night
sometime around 3:50 we stopped for a cigarette break
as I lit mine I gagged and almost threw up
when I looked back up he was staring at me then looked away
"are you going to be okay?" he asked
"yeah, I'm fine" I responded
"good, congratulations by the way, you aren't infertile like I thought"
What?! how could he say something like that while we were in the middle of a fight?!
Regardless of his reasoning we were back together two days later
Now I'll skip all the arguments we had over the next three weeks,
it was mostly just him guilting me into not breaking up with him the entire time anyway
I ended up telling my mom, and she took me to the doctor turns out I was nine weeks along at this point.
yes, the bun in my oven had been cooking like mad, even with me smoking like a chimney.
I had begun to adjust, I realized that this guy I'd been with for the past 11 months was not the kind of person I wanted to raise a child with.
So I ended it.
For good this time.
and he took it like a man at first saying that he was going to go to a different town to look for work so I could pay Child support.
I was amazed
it was the most adult thing he had done the entire time I knew him
or so I thought
turned out he just went home and cried to his mommy about how much of a b***h I was and that I was never going to let him see his kid.
Two days after this he was back (surprise surprise eh?)
I didn't say anything to him for the first 3 hours we were in the same room, just completely ignored him
finally he cracked and started talking first
I didn't say anything
at first
he went on and on about how my reasons didn't make sense
and how him and I belonged together
and because my reasons didn't make sense
I should just jump back on the boat with him.
to this I calmly responded
No
I wasn't about to get involved again
he got mad
and started repeating what he had said before
I rolled my eyes and stood up to get a glass of water
I had started to get dehydrated and being pregnant and dehydrated was not a good mix
so I tried to get up to get water
he wouldn't let me
so I raised my voice and told him that I needed some water because I was dehydrated
he then proceeded to scream "don't yell at me!"
I was scared so I ducked under his arm and tried to go for the front door
He grabbed me around the waist and threw me across the room,
not letting me leave, now I was very scared
I ran for the back door this time
as I was trying to open it I heard him behind me tell my friend to call 911
why would he say that?
he must have known exactly what he was going to do
otherwise why say that?
He came at me and I moved into the corner, using my arms as a shield instinctively to protect my stomach
he hit me then, close fisted, and still managed to get my stomach once.
after the stomach hit, when I had turned my back to him he stopped hitting me
he wrapped his arms around me and started apologizing "i'm sorry I'm so sorry"
I kept telling him to get away from me I didn't want him touching me
I screamed at him to go away
then the front door opened
and he turned to see who was there
I took my opportunity and opened the back door
I ran until I was far enough away that I would know if he was coming after me
then I started crying
I wanted to go to the park and just cry until I couldn't cry anymore
but when I was half way there my friend drove by in her car and told me to go back to her house
so I did
I told her what had happened when her back was turned, what she didn't see
then I told her I wanted to go home and talk to my mom so we could go to the police
I filed a report
my friend filed a witness report
then I went to the doctor to get an ultrasound
to make sure there wasn't any internal bleeding
and to make sure the baby was okay
thankfully everything was okay
The police picked him up after that
and he spent the night in jail
he wasn't allowed any contact with me until they decided what to do with him
I was scared
hell I still am
To cut my literary brain vomit short (or to attempt to at least)
about a month later he convinced my friend who filed the witness report that he was in love with her
so they started dating again
my birthday comes around (it's not that big of a time gap tbqh)
and I have all these plans with her
she leaves early claiming exaustion
ten minutes later I see her out my back window at his house.
I confront her the next morning when she says that she just wants to stay home
ruining my plans with her
I haven't talked to her since then.
I was going to go into the pregnancy but this is crazy long and I'll have to save that for another journal.
The next one will have pictures and video <3
I guess I should thank you for reading all this
It really does explain who I am
Why I'm this way
and it makes it easier to understand where I'm coming from
again sorry for the word explosion all over your screen sweatdrop
