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It's been two days since I began this week-long decision process, and I can't really say I feel any differently about the situation.

To be honest, I'm a little biased towards taking a semester off. Next question to pose for myself: "Why am I biased towards taking a semester off?" I had an idea earlier, but I have forgotten it. gonk One thing I can't understand is that, having ADHD, I am generally opposed to stepping out of a certain/established routine. This isn't to say I don't like trying new things from time to time. But for some reason the prospect of taking a semester off and getting a job seems appealing.

One thing I am determined to figure out during this week is what I need to do in order to do what I want to do. To recap, I’m not entirely sure what it is that I want to do, but I do have several strong interests.

Another interest that I have remembered (how could I have forgotten it?) is going to Japan. I don’t know if I really want to study there, or move there, or what. But I have a strong desire to at least go to Japan. One thing I need to do before I go is, obviously, learn the language and all of its socially entangled complexities. College helps with this (to a point). But I already know that I won’t be going to Japan until at least my junior year, so what’s another semester?

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a class room teaching kids or young adults. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in an office or at a desk or in any kind of building. That’s just not gonna happen. I want to be able to go outside and enjoy nature—which I am doing while writing this biggrin —or meet up with friends whenever I want.

Part of me feels like the rest of this week will be wasted thinking about this. There’s a quiet, secret part of me that knows I need to take a semester off from college (luckily for me, that’s easy to do at my college without my credits from the last two semesters going bye-bye). It almost seems like I’m meant to. Every day that has passed ever since the idea of not going to college occurred to me has turned this idea more and more into a conviction. I really love the people I have met since last September, and I hope they are my friends for the rest of my life; I go to a beautiful college that has what I (currently) want. In spite of these truths, I just can’t shake the feeling that I shouldn’t be here right now. I won’t apologize for repeating myself a little bit because this same thought keeps running through my head and won’t go away. As the saying goes, I’ll cross the appropriate bridges when I get to them.

I like what my advisor said to me on Thursday. I’m not a cog in a machine; if college doesn’t feel right for me right now, I don’t have to be here. I need to make these choices for myself because ultimately I’m the only person my choices will affect.

Maybe that’s the only truth I need.