Mood: Not really depressed...more like blank...and unmotivated
Currently Listening To: Sad Music. NOT THE SAME AS EMO s**t. x.x
Currently Listening To: Sad Music. NOT THE SAME AS EMO s**t. x.x
This is probably all because Aunt Flow came last night and will be driving me crazy for a week. ((Girls, you feel my pain. T.T))
Anyways, I just feel...out of it. Like i'm trapped. Like outside of my room walls theres nothing but shadowy empty pace.
For the last couple of days I've just feel like I had no energy. I keep to myself. I kept to myself at my Nanny Faye's house yesterday, and I stay in my room with the door closed all day everyday. I don't do on Yahoo messenger, and I don't do much on Gaia, except post a tiny bit. The only PMs I answer to are Itachi's and Josh's ...and the ones that are concerned with commissions.
I apologize to Yuki especially, since I'm always making late replies to the RP. And I apologize to everyone else for very late and no replies.
I don't know why I'm keeping my self so...kept away from everyone. I don't talk to my parents, I don't WANT to talk to my parents, and I don't even miss my friends. I'm not looking foreward to going back to school, either.
My room is a MESS. I really wish I had the motivation to clean it. I wish I had the motivation to do something more than eat, drink, use the bathroom, sleep, and type.
Sleep. I've been doing it too much lately. I force myself to stay up until past midnight, and I don't wake up until 11. And I always force myself back to sleep a few times. I even fell alseep in the bath this morning...which scares me. This is the second time this year...and in my lifetime. I just....never want to get up anymore.
I don't look forward to anything. I just stay in my computer chair and listen to music and wish I was somewhere else.
The thing that shocks me is that I cried several times today, once monday, and I don't think I cried yesterday...
Oh wait, I did, but I was just pissy because I wanted to go home and mom and dad didn't.
Mom and Dad....heh. I don't really think much of them anymore.
I used to be close to mom, at least.
I still love them, I mean...they're my PARENTS....still. I don't talk to them about stuff anymore. I always kept stuff away from them, but I don't tell them ANYTHING anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone things anymore. Except maybe Itachi. But he has work and school and I know sometimes he can't be online. n.n
Nope, don't wanna talk to my friends. I just don't....agh....well. They all aeither hate each other, or think the other hates them. And one is emo x10000.
It's annoying. Most of the time when one calls, I have to continue to hold back from just hanging up.
Just want to get out of here. I want to go far, far away.
I don't want to go to tennis practice tommorow.
I just want to sleep. And pretend. And fake. And lie there. And talk to myself.
I just have much time to think without school to worry about.
There's this song, called "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" by U2.
I cry everytime I hear it. It's playing now.
And I'm crying.
You can relate this song to so many things. So many people.
Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...
Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
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