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Tainted Life


I break away from he who broke me. Yet everyday my mind wanders to what could have been or may be. My pain reflects my love. My last disaster burned and died in a most horrific way, can I risk another disaster...? I ask myself these questions like I they are expected to all of a sudden happen without any complications. What might be...ha more like what will never be. I know my fait is dark but I still make up life's I will never have in my head day after day. Does it hurt me? To tell you the truth I don't know anymore... my emotions are blank and gone. I lay in bed wondering when I will start living again. From my cold lips all the way down to my cold toes I feel nothing. I tremble for him. I swallow back hatred, pain, blood, and what I'm ashamed of. My suppressed mind speaks out to me but all I hear is their cries. They cry for me and my body. The harsh grasp they have on my heart tightens with every cry. My heartbeat slower than you will ever know. I breath in toxic waste of others emotions. Causing hallucinations of him. I hear slow music in the background and sway back and forth. Tumbling down into my pit of despair. I am expected to just dust myself off like nothing ever hurt me. Even though they see my deep scars and grind salt deep under neath my paper skin just to get a response from me. They will just put me down...down....down...deeper where i belong. My mouth is dry and my body is slowly breaking down so why do I try?....