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Um.. Grandmother passed away this morning.. Not quite sure as to how to react or feel. She's pretty much been uninvolved in my life for the past 5/6 years since my grandfather passed away. Before that she was pretty involved and I liked going to her house, but now it's like those feelings are gone. We always thought that she would out live all of us by 3 generations. Yet, with the onslaught of Alhzeimers dementia her mind and eyes and ears and bodily functions soon started to go. She was remembering people dying who didn't die or had died long long ago. The last time we saw her I almost started to cry because I barely felt antyhing I dont' know if that was the shock or just how disconnected I was from her. And now that she is actually passed away I still dont know what to think, it's sad, and we'll miss her but we have really funny stories about her.
She called me one time and mid way she thought I was someone else and was completely confused, maybe that should have been the sign that she wasn't okay, but we just kind of laughed at it and said it was old age. Then she was talking to my brother and was ranting and he had no idea what she was talking about. We just kind of laughed at it and said it was old age. I wish I had the courage to talk to her in Japanese when it was fresh in my memory, I know she would have loved it. I wish I could have talked to her about the time she was in the Japanese internment camps. I wish I was closer to her. I wish I didn't feel so empty and so disconnected. She is my baachan(grandma) and she is my ancestor a connection to the past of which I will now know little of.
Today we will go to the buddhis festival Obon which is for honoring your ancestors and we will dance and pay homage to her life. She loved Obon and would take me to the dance practices and would give me tips on how to dance. I guess I really will miss my baachan.

Also today is the anniversary of Michael Jackson's death and my baachans. My dad has always hated Michael Jackson and thinks my grandmother has gotten the last laugh since she knew he hated him. Ha.