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When I see her my heart sings.. When I kiss her my lips tingle... But when I think about the one I truly love I cry... When I think about how I am mentally it hurts... I am broken and cold.. I am bitchy and rude. I am clingy and crave attention... I am me and when I think about you it fits, but you pushed away like everyone else you dropped the problem like all the others... And when the tears flow it is the same as before. It is the same.. Crying is useless and gets me no where in life. Doesn't bring you back and brings no one else back...

I have one fear and only a select few truly know.
I am who I am.. And I love who I love... I make mistakes and sorry is a useless meaningless word so I guess I'll say nothing. Say my bad and walk away. What else can I say? What else can I do. We said love each other through anything, but where does the love go when gone? Why do you tell me not to be numb when the pain just flows through my body... All the people who tell me how worthless I am... How do I cope with the pain... All the therapists I see do not understand how I cope with my pain how I am so calm when I tell them this and that... I am calm because there is no point in being sad, or depressed. Sympathy means nothing when you do not understand my pain what I am going through.... But I am nothing like people say. I am another person a notch in the line... How can I be the best be the one when not even my own mother can stick with me... Makes no since... Oh well..

Life can be confusing but you get what you get. If I am the best I am the best to everyone else. I am nice for myself. I am forgiving for me. I am sane and I enjoy life my own way... Soon I will leave this earth and if you miss me than you knew me if not well you didn't know I guess.

I am me... And don't expect the same old same old because I am different and with different experiences and scares. Different Love and expectations..

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