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Drama is one thing that makes me want to throw up but i want to be a part of it, yet not the major role. Hypocryptic isn't it? I like to be the one people come to for advice of what to do. I like it when they need my help because in truth i like helping people, but i hide it with my tough exterior. The only way that can be broken is seeing my loved ones in distress. I had a dream someone killed my little sister and my mom woke me up and said that i was sobbing. I don't cry.

I am supposed to be the tough girl who grew up with a brother who wished i was dead and another who practiced wrestling moves on me.l Then i had my big sister who tried to make it up by being super nice to me, and my little sister keeping me up all night wondering why i wasnt the baby anymore. Why Mommy and Daddy barely paid attention to me. I mean its just a baby.

Being like that makes my head hurt and i push it away and rebuild my roughness. The only outlet i have is music and that i have an undying passion for. Music will always be there. Be it whistleing, humming, a ring or bell. It is the only constant thing in my life. So many things are changing. But thats getting off topic.

Being there for someone gives me a reason for being here. I need someone to need my help and thank god there always is. I have a friend with an off again on again relationship with her boyfriend and i love it when she comes to me when she needs help. I have my sister (sort of) who is married to my brother and has so many problems with him and his friends and it pisses me off that he is treating her like a piece of s**t. Then i have my Best Friend and all of her problems who have made it her way.

And all that is left is me with barely any for myself and that makes me happy. Stay in the shadows with my problems bottled up. I don't need anyone to help me because i am the helper. Isn't it? I question the world because it's the only thing i can do without anothers consent. i don't need anyone to come to me and ask for me to tell them all my hidden secrets. No one knows all of my dirty littles. Absolutely no one.

~Love Beauty