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Am I a beast?

Last night I wasn't feeling the same,
looking down on what i've became.
I saw everything flashing by in a frame,
feeling nor good nor bad and no shame.

My life never been that cheerfull,
and its always been filled with anger.
Most of the time I was just an actor,
acting happy, but it didn't matter.

So now I'm sitting in my empty chamber,
feeling like an total failure.
Like I have lost a game,
a game that's called life.

Sitting alone with no one around me,
makes me thinking how it could be.
Happyness and joy things I can't remember,
or never had or so wich ever?

The feeling of pain and a broken heart,
no feeling any one should have.
It hurts It drives you insane,
o please tell me what did I became.

I'm no rolemodel no not aleast,
the feeling I'm no human but a beast.
A beast that waits for his moment to attack,
and when I did something I felt back.

Back into my shadow filled with sickness,
I always tought I was so fearless.
But now I bet the diffrence,
I'm not more than a broken soul.

Filled with hate and awefull memories,
can I continiue living like this.
With feelings that will never pass away,
how long do I still have to stay.

I don't feel like living anymore,
died many years ago forgotten and no more.
My body still remains even without a spirit,
It went and never came back for a visit.

Many hurtfull things happend in my life,
lost many friends and a girl my dream wife.
It smashed me broke me and made like this,
a jerk a fool someone you wouldn't miss.

If I passed away no one would notice,
never before i have felt this hopeless.
My life ain't worth living,
I've always been hurt and always forgiving.

I did forgive the people that hurt me the most,
but deep inside I want to burn them or roast.
Burn them till there's nothing more than ashes.
I would enjoy their death gases.

My mind filled with sick toughs,
see what I just wrote a few lines above.
But I blame them, o yes I do,
becouse it's not me, they made me this beast.

DeadFersure © .