There are still times for me when I think, let's end it tonight. My daydream brings me to thinking about how I would go about it and who I would say my last words to. What would happen to all my things and such.
I've developed this... defense program? I've killed my bad habit in other words. I bread down those kinds of sayings like "tonight's the night" by saying well... why? What makes you want to make tonight so special? Then I find myself speaking, how I would like it to last forever. How I want time to just stop. I want to remain in this spot, unchanging.
Trouble is, if I died I wouldn't be in that spot. I wouldn't be freezing the good times, I would be stopping them forever. I would never be able to finish all those things or talk to those people and laugh and play. I wouldn't be able to dream or sleep or dance and sing. I would stop forever. I could think backwards but... I would never be able to freeze time that way.
And thus, I have learned to stop myself from any bad thoughts. I simply take them apart. Now, I just need to apply this to other areas in my life... LOL. But, at least im not so much of a danger to myself. I still get those daydreams and desires but by breaking them apart, I don't think I need to fear actually doing anything anymore. Congrats to myself <3 I'm poud
But, this is my little secret. Don't you dare congratulate me... hate that s**t. This is my journal and this is my little note for myself. My pride for MYSELF. I don't need YOUR approval. I've got my own. Matter of fact, I DON'T WANT your approval <3
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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