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Well, it''s been years since I've visited Gaia Online. It was the coolest thing in Middle School, and now looking back on all of it as a Junior in High School it brings back quite a few memories. Hell, reading the journal entries I wrote made me laugh and reminisce about those days.

I took my first love and the break up that followed really hard. It started as simple infatuation and transformed into something bright and beautiful. Then when it ended, (mind you my ex couldn't even tell me the words because my personality was "too strong" and that he couldn't "handle me" wink my world just imploded. I became a creature ensnared in my own self-pity, anger, pain, sorrow, and regret. My heart didn't heal until about three and a half years later, but even now, I know there's a small piece missing. I'll always remain the beautiful person I know I am and not change who I am, regardless if all the pieces are there or not.

I am freedom loving, optimistic, joyful, inquisitive, strong, loyal, trust-worthy, curious, and so much more I cannot begin to describe. My being is unique and even with my mortal faults I love who I am.

I noticed in previous entries I said life and humanity have no purpose and that everything is just pointless and useless. Well, after a few years of growing up, I realize there is purpose and meaning to everything. Society has us brainwashed. Urbanization has cut so many of us off from the earth that harbored the little bacteria we multiplied from. People say there are no such things as psychics and The Creator, but that's not true. There is a Creator, but in the height of human arrogance, many believe we are it. Such a sad limitation people put on their minds. There's so much our mortal minds cannot begin to fathom and so much more to the universe.

But my personal beliefs and realizations shall stay just that--my own.

I'd love to go back in time and visit myself at different stages of my growth and just laugh. I've been so silly. A little monster at birth. A whiny and lazy child. A clueless adolescent. Now a hormonal teenager. It never stops.

Life itself and existence is so complex. There is our earthly "reality" and the other worldly "reality". My issues now are keeping my grades up so that I can go to a good college, graduate, and then become a respectable member of society paying bills and taxes and supporting a family.

You know what? ******** society. All this hoity-toity s**t is irritating. I'm doing things my way in my own time. I know my purpose and I know what I want to do in this lifetime. I'll go along with the pretentious ideals of society, but I'll always go my way.

What does the future hold? I could A) wait and see what happens, or B) develop clairvoyance lolz.

Until then.