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((this will be my last post in colour for awhile))
Why is it that I'm always depressed no mater where I am?
I have no safe haven nor ever did. I'm always traped in a dark and croued place filled to the brim with people that nither care about or ignolige me. I allways seem depressed and yet I can never do anything about it. My faimlys always to wraped up with indaviual things. I help out every where I can and let its never enough, my mum's always on about something nomater what I'm doing. She can; cry, scream, shout, yell and do waht ever and have every one do as she wish's. My brother prity much see me as nothing but a tool or a skape gote.
At school I can never get away from the people that dont know me and are diriven to hate me. I'm so sick of it I want iot to just end, I just want everything to end but... I can, why? Becaus every time I try theres something stoping me. I'm always makeing my life harder to try and help people and cant even see me.
Work is no differant. the people I work with are mostly from my school so I realy can never get away. I'm always traped in a web of take and disspare.
Maybe its becouse I'm always trying to help that I never get any myself...? When ever I make the slightist cry for help it gets dround out by another. I do every thing I can and it seems as if nothing can lift my spirit.
I had a dream not to long ago but still not to resantly. I think it was about five moths ago or so.
I was walking alone. it seemed to be night but realy it was day, noon infact. the light that would normily shine thru was blocked out by dark gray coulds that seemed to grow darking with every passing momint.
I was waling alone on a cold path that zig-zaged all the way to the end. I dont know why but it drew out the walk longer that seemed fit. at the end of the path there was a billding. It looked like an old school or maybe some kind of hospital.
It was three storys high and has dozens of windows. All open but... it was gray from the darkness that was all around, the windows glowed..but they glowed dark, as if there was no light left in this world. then... there was light. Thunder and lighting struk behind as I got closer.
Finly... I reached the place and entered thru a open doorway, that allso glowed like the windows. In side was hallways that led thru out the pace just like any other billding. I felt as iff it was colder then any other place I had been in my intire life but it didint bother me anymore.
I walk thru the empty hallways but the place wasint empty. when I looked into the rooms that were off set from the halways there were people in them. Light came from the rooms with people in them. It felt light the first lights that I had seen in age's but.... the dark hallways that I was in seemed to grow all around as the light semed to fade away into the darkness.
I walked on again. I was always alone but now I sudenly felt alone even more so. I walked on untill the end of the hallways and there, ahead of me was another room. This one was not like the others. This one was lgiht and dark at the same time. I walked into the room... and there was every one that I knew as "friends" at school. they were siting on a taible, looking at me. I couldint see any of there faces but they were looking at me. At first I thought it was good. They were the first to see me in this place... but then something hit me. I couldint see there face's beacus they had none to look at me with.
Its then that I understand... I truly do have no place left. No one to help. No dreams to comthert me. As I walk down the hallway and back out, down the path that is no longer zig-zaged to delay me. I look back and see the school looking over me, slowly the light returs to it as I have left it. and the darkness from it just ahead of me to keep me from seeing what I do not desirve to see.
With no one and No more beautiful dreams to save me I shall die soon. With only complants at my side to remind me that I never belonged in any place.
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