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When you can look at yourself, and honestly say you hate everything you see, down to what's beneath the stone walled heart, thats when you know you're hurt
And yet you hide it. You say it's nothing. You smile, and act like nothing's wrong. And you tough it out. Maybe for your sake, maybe for others, or maybe it's because you don't know any other way. So you sit by yourself, next to those pills, and those bottles of booze, and you wonder to yourself. how easy would it be? What would it feel like? Is it going to hurt?
And you crack open the bottles of everything, and swallow down your pain, your guilt, your tears, along with the pills and the alcohol. Only to wake up the next day, sick as a dog. And everybody know's something is up. Because they see the dark circles under your eyes, and smell the alcohol on you. Or maybe you get lucky, and you do manage it. Then what? You don't know, but you're scared as hell, watching your life flash before your eyes. And then you wake up. It was all justa terrible nightmare. Or was it, because now you're in a hospital, hooked upto an IV. And everybody knows now, your friends, your coworkers, your family. You're girlfriend walked in on you, covered in your own vomit. But you don't care. You just want all this pain to end. Death is the only way to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. That's the only way possible. So now you're seeing a therapist. And you're crying yourself to sleep at night. You don't have the ability to keep it all bottled up inside, because they took away the cork. So now wat do you do? Do you try again, or what for a natural death? And you come across that question every night. Maybe you get the nerve to finally put the barrel of a gun in your mouth this time. But you can't pull the trigger. Because "they" flash in your mind. In this caseit's "her", if she were to read this, she'd know who she is. And suddenly your filled with anger. Tons of it. Cubic buttloads of it. You black out. You wake up, the house is destroyed. You've gotmore pills, and more booze. And you start all over...