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Why don't I have a single person in my life who I can rely on. I've basically been on my own since my father died 6 and a half years ago. and I'm just so sick of it. I just want someone who is completely there for me and won't make me feel bad about burderning them with my issues. and will sit there and console me as I cry my eyes out about my family and my life and how I miss my daddy. and oh, god I could just imagine him yelling at me as I wrote that because I'm too old to be calling him daddy anymore and I know he would yell at me if he knew I still call my mom Mommy. But I can't help it because it's the only part of my childhood that hasn't quite been ripped away from me. He forced me to grow up to soon and I didn't want to and I dread thinking about it everyday. and I just want things to go back to the way they were and I want him here!. I want him to be the one driving me up to college and I want him to be the one to keep all the messy financial issues out of my sight. I want him to make things better and to paint me in the perfect world that I thought I'd always lived in. I don't want to have to deal with my mother telling me about how we're losing our apartment and I don't want to think about any more of my pets or relatives or anyone dying any more. I just want him back and I want him to fix everything and tell me that I don't have to worry about the house or the family and to just focus on my school and to have fun and to not let my mother ruin my life. and to keep everything in line and oh my god. I sound like a whiny little brat, but I never let myself think about these things and I'm just so beyond done at this point and I'm sick of holding this all in. and I just want someone to show me that they truly care about me. and I want my daddy. and oh god. why is my life so miserable. I don't want this life any more. I just want a new one. I want a new family and a new house. and I guess I'll keep my brother, but I just can't deal with this any more. I can't. I can't and I shouldn't have to. These are not the types of things an 18-year-old should be worrying about.
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