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okay so why is it all my life i have had daydreams or dreams at night.. i guess you could more less call them nightmares about dying in horrific ways or being left alone ... well ... why is it that today out of all freaking days.. i have my first dream of death.. but i walk away.. it was a car accident.. only .. i was able to get out and see where i would have been if i would have died.. any other time i am the person dying.. ya know.. thinking my last thoughts.. of who i could say something to or really wanted to say something to .. i don't know.. confused me to hell ..
why is it that i am writing this only like 4 people read this and i think i may know who they are but i can't be sure since no one ever comments..
alright i don't know why it has been on my mind lately~ pictures don't help any... .. scratch that it is always on my mind it has only been on my mind alot more due to this cd that i have called theory of a deadman.. i love their music but i am stuck on this one song because a friend from the past even though blames me and hates me i can't stop caring about ... and well anyway .. i did alot of stupid s**t i can't take back but i wish i could have given this person a song to give to her so maybe for once things could have been different.. i am not even sure of the damn song name i just know it is track twelve.. it is basically the singer telling this girl to stop running away and take care of what you say you set out to do and quit pulling s**t... and i love the cd.. it just makes me laugh and or cry depending on how much i think about it...
As requested by Carley:
THEORY OF A DEADMAN LYRICS
"Save The Best For Last"
That evil woman with the wicked smile
She just knocked me on my a**
She says I ain't the fool that you fall for
Oh why did I even ask?
Just when I think she's said it all
She saved the best for last
She rolls her eyes with a smile
Swears she's never coming back
Stop runnin' away from me
Cuz you only have yourself to blame for everything
So stop runnin' away for a change
Cuz I know if I don't try to stop you now
You'll just go and do it again
Oh I think she's had enough
She just put me in the past
She holds her head up high
Says I would never last
That lady loves to lead me on
And she's done her job so well
Yeah, she saved the best for last
Made my life a livin' hell
Stop runnin' away from me
Cuz you only have yourself to blame for everything
So stop runnin' away for a change
Cuz I know if I don't try to stop you know
You'll just go and do it again
Stop runnin' away from me
Cuz you only have yourself to blame for everything
Stop runnin' away for a change
Cuz I know if I don't try to stop you now
You'll just do it again
Just do it again
Stop runnin' away from me
Cuz you only have yourself to blame for everything
Stop runnin' away for a change
Cuz I know if I don't try to stop you now
You'll just go and do it again
as for my job.. it sucks a**.. i have wanted to get out for a while but i am stuck due to benefits and the fact that i am going on vacation within the next month or so .. so i am looking to staying there towards the end of summer.. but i am broke.. i need money so i can actually take this online course i want to ... but that is time and money i don't have..
i started a small candy business with a few friends and of course they backed out so now not only do i work at my job.. help my mom.. but i have that all to do alone now too.. it isn't too busy right now but i am still kinda sore about it ..
i turn 21 within a month and a half and i still have no idea who i am... all i know is i have to watch out how much i drink for the only illness that i could inherit will end me up in AA before i know it ... life sucks what am i gunna do about it? ... ... oh yeah !!! go figure i write this and the sky starts to pour... it is grey out and it starts to down pour it ******** sounds like hail on the door... gah and don't even get me started on the damn weather.. i have officially earned the nick name "sneezy" at work.. i am a dwarf for heavens sake! ... and they started making a game out of it! .. *sighs* anyway.. i guess one good thing is i entered another photo into a contest but that won't go anywhere either.. i have no money to join the international library of photography so yeah i am just basically stuck... ... uhg i can't wait till my vacation i need to get out of this place .. out of my own life..
Melena Rai Community Member 
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Community Member
And rain is such a good thing? How can you be upset about it? It's healing and stuff. Next time it's raining (not pouring though cuz it would kinda hurt after a while) you have to put headphones on and put it to good music and go for a walk. It does wonders. promise. heart