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I did something that I'm not too proud of today. Requesting time off on false pretenses...

This time off will give me the time to learn how to drive, as well as do things I've been meaning to do for the past four months. This feeling of decietful bitchiness is the byproduct of a conscience. Damn that thing. I don't feel like I'm good enough, and at the same time I'm letting myself fall into that feeling of unworthiness while I am over qualified to do most of the work given to me. Its rather confusing, even to me.

At least I got my final raise, so I'm happy. Now hopefully I go on to bigger and better things. Woo, cashiering, the infinite joys of scanning items. Six months of that and I'll move onto something else. Probably a waitress where I can legally accept tips.

I'm so torn, torn between a lot of things. I guess it comes with getting older. I want to make people happy, but it is always on my own expense. I need to look out for myself first, but I always seem to push my wants and needs aside for someone else.

I feel bad for being in a mood when my friend was clearly having a hard time with her mother. I was tired, achy, and my eyes stung from all the smoke on the beach, and yet I couldn't bring myself to at least be cheerful for her. Oi, it bothers me that I can't aim to please. It feels like my job sometimes, and I hate my job most of the time.

Only difference is that I don't get paid for my services. Though I get more satisfaction knowing that the people around me are okay.

They just need to tell me more than a grunt or a look for me to help them.

...

Headache time.