Thought I might post in my journal an ongoing fanfic. Just to reveal to everyone my weirdest side and make you all wonder what the hell happens in my head. It might involve a gay romantic reference or two, so if that offends you, go read someone else's stuff, kay?
Dark Souls
Chapter 1: Captive Soul
Yuri sat up with a groan, scratching the side of his head and flicking some loose straw from his auburn hair. He wrinkled his nose at the smell of sweat, blood, and urine that filled the air, pressing in all the more on his senses in the dim light that flickered from a naked weak bulb over his head. He pushed himself up onto his knees and reached his hands out to explore his environment, his palm wrapping around a cold iron bar. With his other hand he quickly identified it as part of a cage or cell of some sort, floored by cold stone covered loosely in stale straw. He puffed out his cheeks with a sigh.
Using the bars to pull himself to his feet, he furrowed his brow in deep concentration, trying to recall how he got here, or for that matter, pretty much anything of where he might have come from prior to this dismal darkness. He remembered a strange cemetery, a place haunted by the souls of monsters, not humans. He turned to lean against the bars, rubbing his temples as if he could stimulate more from his fragmented memories, although it surprised him when it seemed to work, giving him a flash of recall, a battle between an angelic creature of white glowing aura and a malevolent demonic beast formed of dark hatred and crimson rage.
He sucked in his breath and dropped his hands. "This sucks. What the hell am I doing here?"
"Shut up, slave!" came a harsh rebuke from the darkness, followed by the thud of heavily booted footsteps coming toward the cell.
Yuri turned and tilted his head, more curious than cowed. "Who, me?"
"Yes, you, slave." A massively muscled man in a guard's uniform leaned into the unstable electric glow. "Keep your mouth shut or I'll shut it for you. Slaves don't speak unless spoken to."
The revelation that he was a slave failed to fill Yuri with the sort of despair he assumed was appropriate. His lips curved into a smug grin. "I've been spoken to. So, what the hell am I doing here?"
The guard's features hardened, confirming Yuri's suspicions that the sort of man who'd hold a job like this wouldn't have a good sense of humor. A pronged metal rod was shoved through the bars to connect with his ribs, a snapping sound and a burning smell overwhelming his senses momentarily before the pain set in and he realized he was being shocked with an electric device. His knees buckled and Yuri dropped to the ground, coughing and dazed.
Now the guard chose to smirk. "I said to shut up, slave."
Yuri touched his side gingerly, pouting. "You could have just said you don't know instead of poking me with a lightning stick."
The guard lurched forward as if he would force himself through the bars if he could, satisfying himself with giving Yuri a jab and shock to his thigh. "Whoever buys you is gonna have fun teaching you to behave."
Yuri bit back a yelp, forcing a grimace into a grin, but decided to let it go this time. He had at least managed to get a small bit of information. He wasn't sold yet. He scooted as far back from the guard and his cattle prod as his cramped cell allowed. Well, gold coins might purchase his body, but getting him to behave? For that a master would have to pay a much dearer price, of that he would be certain.
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Malice Consumes My Soul..
Harmonixer Yuri
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Harmonixer Yuri Community Member |
Razorblade`Allergy
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YoshikoKawashima Community Member |
Harmonixer Yuri
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I think its good, very, overall. You could brush up a little on the spelling and edit it, maybe add a little more drama and more description of the body. If you ask me, I'd put some more yaoi scenes in. As for constructive critism, I don't have much of that for your first chapter, luv.
heart heart heart