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To begin, I suppose it would be best to speak of my birth.

My mother, as far as I know, has had the possibility of having at least six children. She only has my older brother and I though. From what she has told me, my brother was the possible third child and I was the last. She had aborted the rest and even told me that if she had known sooner that she was pregnant, that I would have also been just another abortion.

Luckily for me, I was a miracle and a surprise. My parents had planned my older brother and as if by fate, my father accidentally shot himself in the scrotum. This should have ensured that he could not sire anymore children. Sometime later, my mother accidentally hurt her leg and when she was getting it checked out, she had found out that I was already within the 2nd trimester of her pregnancy.

Nearing the event which would become my birth, my mother and father had split apart due to his possible use of cocaine during the pregnancy. Seems pot was no problem but cocaine was the line. To be clear, my parents had never married, making my brother and I b*****d children. On the day I was to be born, my heart had stopped at 00 three times before they finally decided to put my mom through a c-section.

It turned out that the umbillical cord had managed to wrap around my throat three times, my torso twice, and my ankle once. When they could finally remove me from the womb, I was ashen grey and lifeless. If they hadn't acted as fast as they did, I would not be here today. I managed to survive in an incubator.

The oldest memories I have are around the age of four. Around this time my grandparents had finally finished getting their house by the beach built. My brother and I had made best friends with many of the children living in the nearby neighborhoods, this including his friend Mitch. Mitch was an alright kid, he had an older brother who was eighteen at the time.

One night I had been in my room on the third floor playing with an assortment of dolls. It was somewhat late seeing as it was summer when this happened. Mitch's brother had somehow wormed his way into their house and up the stairs to my room. Our brothers, along with the other children, were out playing in the streets as per usual to us back then. It wasn't very long before I had noticed him enter my room, slowly closing the door to only a crack.

He came in with a big smile on his face and sat down in front of me, fiddling with one of my dolls as if he were going to play with me. After a few minutes of him talking as if just being nice, he had shuffled a bit and had pulled out his genitals. I stayed in my little corner of the room, the memory of that horrid thing still burned into my mind to this day. First he tried telling me it was soft like a little kitten, when that did not work, he tried to say it tasted sweet like candy.

"Standing" my ground, I stayed in place till he became uneasy at the sound of my grandmother taking laundry downstairs. When he finally saw that I wasn't going to budge, he stood up, put away his shame, then left my room. As he went through the door, I followed to the door frame and watched as my Papa and my father both stared him down. They had both started coming up the stairs when he was leaving my room.

I had figured he was long gone until a few years ago they had told me he was working at their favorite restaurant. Safe to say my last visit there was spent entirely in the home...

At a young age I had been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder which is commonly known for mood swings. This was very true in my case due to my quick and immense bursts of anger. My emotions were not able to stay in check, it had become common until I entered the third grade.

During my years of Kindercare, my brother and two of our cousins had all been living together. With them anger was always present due to my brother's constant annoyance about stealing my toys. I had actually made my worst outburst towards a teacher. I ended up biting her, threw a chair at her, then hid under the table. I was a horrid little five year old for I had scared her away until she returned the year I moved.

Kindergarden was normal for any small child, preschool was not a standard at the time so I was happy and worry free finger painting and playing with blocks.

First grade I came across a prime example of child abuse. My teacher's name at the time eludes me but her appearance is not as hard. She had dark black hair and very long thick nails that she liked to dig into my arm when holding me back from getting to my bus. It was somewhat rare when she was nice, one of her moments was burning my hand with a hot glue gun when I was having trouble with a popcicle stick reindeer.

Second grade was relatively normal, I was a talker and my teacher had also gone through teaching my brother. The only problem that had happened was a small boy would sit behind me during story time. I don't know what the hell he was taught but every time he would slide his hand into the back of my bottoms or whatever I would be wearing that day. It had turned into such an uncomfortable situation that I eventually told my mother who then proceeded to go after his parents. The rest I do not quite remember.

By third grade I had calmed down with my emotions in a somewhat balanced state. At this time we ended up with an African American woman as the vice principle. Unfortunately she was very strict and only ever went after children not of color. She was racist to put it blankly. During that year she had threatened to have me expelled but I can't remember why.

I had hit a very deep pit of depression around this year as well, the summer before I had spent with my dad who lived in an apartment complex in Salisbury, NC. There were two boys around twelve, a sixteen year old, and an eighteen year old who were also living there. They all would come over to "play" pool with my brother every day if they could. Unfortunately whenever my brother was away they would direct their attention to me.

They had attempted many times to try and hurt me that summer. The pool was the only safe haven for me until they tried to corner me in the deep end. My brother had started to notice their behavior for he began to spend more time with me after that. It didn't help that the youngest attempted to corner me in a storm drain, the eldest hitting me in the behind with a briar while we were all climbing up a dried riverbed, and the middle threatening my brother if I did not come to him. In the end they all started vanishing once my brother hung the middle boy by his underwear on the fence.

By the end of the summer I had to pool to myself and ended up staying in it for twelve hours straight without sunscreen. My face had been burned to such a degree that the skin had turned black and was peeling by my first week of school. Through out the year I had been all alone. I tried to hang out with some of the others but eventually was left behind. Three of the girls in my class had come up to me one day and told me they wanted me to play with them the next day.

They had told me to meet them by the steep hill near the back of the playground, unfortunately I was horrified by what I found. Turned out that every child within the three third grade glasses had all come and were there only to beat me. They had pelted me with as many rocks they could find then shoved me down the hill into the football field below. My mother remembers that day because I had come home and went straight to the bathroom. She had caught me cutting off my hair and at some point I had attempted to take my own life. No eight year old should ever feel such hatred.

By the end of the year my brother was finishing up the fifth grade which was the final grade at the school. Learning about this I had attempted to see if I had at least one friend there by announcing that I was moving. Instead I heard a horrifying sound of the entire room bursting into cheers and laughter at the thought of me being gone for the rest of their time there.

My fourth grade year was actually quite tame. I had a clean slate and an entire pack of gel pens. I had not made any actual friends but did get to meet some of the kindest kids I had ever known.

Fifth grade was not as nice unfortunately. We had a teacher named Mr. Compton that year. He was a bit too friendly to some of the girls. One week he had us watch all the current Star Wars movies in which he thought we'd all be too distracted to notice him cornering one of the girls by the closet who was trying to put her contact lens back in.

Around the same time he had moved into the home right across from my cousins. This became very unpleasant for every time my mother would take us over to visit, he'd come walking out of his home to try and play with us. Unfortunately no one ever told the other teachers what he had been up too, instead he was caught looking at porn on his computer.

I was still without a best friend by this point, not to say it sucked or anything because I honestly did not give a care in the world. I was currently excepted by everyone except for the one girl who thought she had power in the school just because her mother worked there.

By the middle of the school year I had become more acquainted with a girl who the year before used to make fun of my mother. Odd as it sounds she had actually become my best friend for the next eight years.

The only unfortunate time of my sixth grade year was my older brother's constant attempts on my life whenever our mother would leave for work on nights. On several occassions my brother had attempted to drown me, stab me, suffocate me, and at one time tried to run me over with the car. After getting sick of my mother not intervening, I decided to just go to work with her. I was safe and was having fun without fear for my life.

The last few years of middle school had gone by as some of my best by then. I had acquired two more best friends and had become more informed about things like anime and my all time favorite game series Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy VII.
The only notable thing that had happened was an attempted rape in my own home by another of my brother's friends. My brother had managed to get between us when Monty (the friend) attempted to attack me.

My last summer before high school was spent at my grandparent's home. I was becoming more involved with online games including RuneScape and Wizard101. I also started joining our dear old GaiaOnline. My first day I had met my dear brother MaverickBlack who is no longer on, and my Gaia husband Valag. For the entire summer I spent my time talking with them all night while singing to my profile music.

Freshman year was a bit abnormal but very fun. I had come to meet my first boyfriend. He had come up to me in front of the math building out of the blue and asked me out. I should have said no. For the most part of the year Hayley and I had begun to split apart as friends. It wasn't all bad for I was meeting many more girls who were a lot sweeter and a lot more caring about my feelings then she was.

I am and have been skipping a few moments including the death of my grandad and my nana who both passed away by my eleventh birthday. My ex and I had split twice but remained friends. By the end of freshman year Hayley and I had not been on good terms. She hated how our friends would worry more about me then pay attention to her. It may sound mean but it was the truth.

Sophmore year I had already reached Tech Sgt the year before in ROTC and was enjoying my time drawing with my friend Patti and talking about games and anime with her and my two best friends Tiffani and Donnie. I was also in a loving relationship with my Gaia husband. Unfortunately we had separated due to my own failings. By this point I had chosen to go live with my father that very summer to finish my final years of school.

During my Junior year I had to deal with being bullied again by children who did not know my age at the time, a twenty two year old doppelganger of my ex who had repeatedly tried to gain my interest and eventually was kept away from me when he fell on me during my dad's and my stepmom's wedding after party. I had also come to learn that Hayley had begun spreading the rumor that I was knocked up by an older man, dropped out of school then lost the child due to drugs which I was still supposedly on. By Memorial day my father had also suffered an anurism, multiple heart attacks and strokes.

One good thing had come out of this year though, I had found my heart again by reuniting with my Gaia husband and have stayed with him to this very day.

My Senior year was a somewhat troublesome one. My dad had been using spyware on our computer and found my conversations with Val which led to my four year absence. He also kicked me out of the house after I had graduated early. His reason for this was that my stepbrother Tyler had been living with us for a few months. My dad would talk so badly about him to me and I told my stepbrother because he had a right to know what my dad truly felt. In the end, my dad decided to throw me under the bus instead of owning up to his insults.

After that I spent about two years with my mother dealing with her constant verbal abuse about my weight and my brother's physical abuse which included kicking me, plashing me with tea, spitting on me, and constant verbal abuse and accusations about food he had claimed as his own.

By my final year with my mom I had lived only a few minutes away from my two best friends. The abuse had been somewhat worse to the point of my brother constantly monitoring the mail for I had been sending letters to my boyfriend throughout my time there.

I had finally come to a point where I could not stand living there anymore. When I got the chance, I emailed my Aunt Vonda who spent the next few weeks planning the moment she'd come pick me up. I ended up spending a week with her and my Uncle before they sent me to Val in Oklahoma.

For the past year I have been happy, carefree, and loving every second I've spent with my beloved. Sometime this summer we're going to be moving to our permanent home in Arkansas.



Some details I have not mentioned:
I have had about two pets die in my arms. My cat Roxas who may have been bitten by a baby copperhead snake, and my friend's dog Coco who was bit in the skull by my mother's corgi Bowser who was hit and killed sometime last year.

The same year I moved in with Val I had learned that my great grandfather and my papa had both passed away, that my youngest cousin Sam had been raped, and around February first, I was awoken with the knowledge of my boyfriend's grandmother was found dead in the room across the hall.

December 31st, 2015. Our eldest cat lilith passed away surrounded by family. Sometime in February our dog suzy passed away.

We're currently fighting the possible outcome of becoming broke due to personal issues involving his father stealing from us.

If there are any details you'd like to know, simply ask me and I will tell them for twenty two years of life is a lot to cover.



Welp, all of 2016 was kind of a s**t year. spent my birthday at the village which was fun. My boyfriend at the time was doing his best to try and drum up some business at the village which wasn't going too well. Our account slowly dwindled to nothing and we hit single digits. Our car broke down and we lost both our washer and dryer which went out in september. Throughout the year we got to know our friends well and found out someone had been lieing to my boyfriend and sent him into a depression which nearly took him from me.
One good thing out of that year though, on Halloween night, he proposed to me and we've been engaged ever since.
The new year wasn't all that kind either. Spent the first few weeks walking to find work since not only was our car down but my fiance' was sick as a dog.
Since then, I bounced from job to job and am now working at a grocery store. Not only is it my longest running job, but it's probably my favorite.
It's going to be a while before I can pay off our taxes so we don't lose our house but at least we have hope now.

Updated 3/19/18

well... I've been at the same job for almost a year. It's getting worse there.....
My fiance' and I lost our dear sweet furbaby bartok a few months back.... we miss him... Our neighbor's cats have apparently adopted us.. and I'm hoping to update this again soon with some really great news.

Updated 7/21/18

well... I have insurance now which is cool. I finally was eligible to receive insurance from work.
The downside, we've had 2 people fired, one for health, the other idfk but he was a creep so yeah... and two quit on us right before the busiest time of year.

I'm okay with all of that but now I'm being stalked at work by a creepy older man who lives in his car... He has a friggin cow skull sitting on the top of it like WTF? He's been showing up mostly around times of the day when my main managers are not there. He started out like just any regular customer a few days ago. He told me about himself and how he lives in his car lookin for a house yadda yadda.

The second encounter, started normal but he started looking at me up and down saying "if I looked as good as I did when I was half my age now, I'd be finding a pretty lady to take care of me". I didn't get the warning signs at first so I kinda just joked with him saying he'd have a better chance with a younger woman instead of an older one. Probably shouldn't have said that but I thought it was harmless.

Third time he showed up... second night in a row btw, he was wearing a different shirt and I told him it was a nicer shirt I'd seen him in because the other two times he had a white wife beater and black pants. He looked me in the eye and asked if I was flirting with him... ******** no. I even said "no, I was just making an observation" and he left.

Third night in a row, he shows up when my 8'o clock is still working. Before that, he always caught me stuck at the register by myself because I was letting my closing checker take a break while it was slow so around 9pm. I bolted and tried to preoccupy myself with facing and yadda yadda.
Fast forward like 20 minutes and I go to get the hand baskets so I can put them back in their spots.... He beelined for me and I covered my face with them and just said hey and kept on walking. I check the time and almost time for my break before my 8pm leaves, I ask her if he's still in the store and she goes no.... BUT, when he checked out, he went to see if I was still in dairy which is where I took the baskets, and he left when he couldn't find me.

Now, fast forward to 2days before the date I updated this.....
I had just clocked out at 6pm because it was an early shift day. My boss had left at around 5:30pm. I start to go shopping and hear "are you going on a break sweetheart?" right ******** behind me... THIS ******** SNUCK UP BEHIND ME. I being very ******** spooked just say that I was getting off for the day and needed to shop.... He followed me the entire ******** time while I'm shopping. Thank ******** the one aisle I needed to go down without cameras I had already hit before he showed up.

When he follows me all the way to the register, I was borderline panicking. I started talking about my hubby and I and when I do, I say "we" a lot like I usually do because I don't live alone so not going to let people think I do. He stops me and asks if I have a boyfriend because I said "we". I told him fiance' because we have not gotten married yet irl. This dude goes "well there go my dinner plans" LIKE THE ******** THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA ASK MY a** OUT OR SOME s**t!?? TF???

He leaves me in the line to go fill his water bottles and I guess use the bathroom and mu brain immediately switches into fight or flight mode trying to get my shopping done as soon as possible and to get the ******** out of there. I finally get my s**t checked out and he comes back and tries to see if he can get back in line behind me. He couldn't thank ********, so he goes to the next check out. Thank god there was a couple with a full cart in front of him and that a friend of mine had just shown up in the parking lot.

I practically ran out that ******** door to her car as soon as I got done. I ended up hiding in her backseat while he came out and looked for me then got into his car and sat there for almost 15 minutes.
He finally leaves and now I know what car to hide from if I see it while walking to work. I am honestly so freaking scared of going to work now just because of how often this kind of s**t happens... If I go missing, at least ya'll know why.

Hopefully I'll see ya in the next update.