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He makes me insane...Even I'm starting to think that this is starting to be freaky. I can't get him out from my mind. He says sometimes so confusing things. I think about him every day.Worrying about him is killing me. And I know that it's just stupid.. I shouldn't think like this but I can't help it. First he says that he loves me and now he says that he can't remember me, that he has forgotten everything about me. Damn we were even friends before we started to be together..Atleast I thought that we were.. Why does everything have to end up like this.. Why does this have to happen again..Am I cursed or something..
At the moment I just want to close everything and sleep about 1000 years to get everything clear..I want to escape again.. But there isn't any place where to escape..And knowing that crushes me more than anything else.. But I don't want to start to feel like an empty shell again..Walk around like a lifeless doll.. I want to fight back because I don't want to hurt myself again, or the others who are close to me. But I'll never forget that how happy he made me.. Even if it makes me sad to remember it.. Haha damn what a Shakespeare...
What I'm really afraid is that I might fall again on my knees with my feelings..That I wont feel any real feelings again..I don't want to stop feeling happy feelings..I want to love and be happy and protect and kick away all the dark feelings and darkness! I want to be myself and a real person! Damn I want to live!
Time usually heals the wounds, but there will always be the scars forever. And it's just good that you'll remember. It's a part of human nature.
I'm feeling a bit better now after writing this. It really helps if you express yourself. For example drawing,writing and singing are several good ways. It's not good to keep the disturbing feelings inside of you.
But now it's time to stand up.