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on the 27th of Nov. (saturday) i had a Marine JROTC Ball. This girl now, shes in the JROTC like me. we were both there that day. first it started off with a bunch of stuff about the marine corp and then (trying to make this quick here) when the time for us to do whatever we want, the dancing starts. now im talking with my friends on the other room and junk (while im thinking about the time she said i owe her a dance..for no reason ) she comes out of nowhere and says you owe me a dance remember? and i said yeah but i dont know how to dance. and so she drags me all the way to the dance floor and tries dancing with me ( it was salsa dancing sortof...lets just say you can move alot through it...) and so i stand there for 2 and a half songs trying to convince her i cant dance. so then she grabs my hand and tells me to move like shes doing. i try and well i couldnt. at the end of the song, i left to the room with my friends were at. i was depressed at that time sicne i screwed up.
So my friend comes over and asks me whats up? i say nothing just that i screwed up dancing with this girl i really like and i wanted to make this perfect too...so he said why dont you dance with her again? i said i cant..im shy and well its embarrising for me. so he goes away and coems back with the girl i was dancing with. and she goes over and says so you wanted to dance with me again huh? and i said ...err...yeah..i did...and well she said dragged me once again but i told her i wanted it something i can dance too..so i suggested slow dancing and she said ok ill dance with you when the time comes. (couple of minutes later...) Slow dancing song appears and i see her get up from afar and come near and grabs my arm and takes me to the dance floor. since i didnt know how to slow dance exactly, she said to put my hands around her waits and well thats what i did and we swayed back and forth through out the whole song. The part that wasnt perfect for me was that at that time, that moment, i didnt ask her out. i choked my own words...and when the dance was over, i grabbed my hat and well just sat down next to another friend and told him i blew it..again.

(couple of days later..) i told a friend of mines who i like and well shes like awww and im like ..... and then she already knew it so shes teasing me and well a friend name Dre told laura without me knowing...and he also told her to go talk to the girl i like( her name is Lilly) about what she thinks about me.
( next day) I came in class with Laura and she said do you want to know what she thinks? i said....mm...yeah.. go ahead tell me. is it bad? and she said mm sortof. i said Great!...what wonderful news( i didnt say that but in my head i did) Laura tells me that Lilly likes me like a cuddly bear..you know how girls ask for hugs, and we give them, but still friends...so im like..great... just great she doesnt like me...and laura says dont take it that way..im sorry..so im quiet the whole day..( rarely im quiet..im usually active..but this gave me the depression sickness..)
(next class) i tell Dre what laura told me and he said dont take it that way dude..she could mean something else..and im like dude she likes me like a cuddly bear..but in a way a friendship....and hes like your taking this too seriously! ( well what the ******** do you thinkg dude...i really really like her! i want to spend my whole life with her..thats how i feel!!) and soo i have 2 friends who but in ( there chicks) and say whats wrong? and i tell them the story and there like your taking it seriously..and im sorry..and a bunch of other junk too...
sooo this then happened today ...
During Algebra class, Dre says dude ill tell you what Lilly says and i said ok tell me. he tells me that she didnt say she liked me like a cuddly bear..( somesone lying..and there ticking me off right now...)she only likes me like a friend!( BAM...that heart of mines now has a gaping hole in the middle of my heart..filling with the words you do not want to hear but had to) so now im really mad..but yet sad..and well now i dont know what to think...so now im going to ask her what she thinks..because i really cant trust anyone with my problems...and so music is what makes my hole in my heart bigger..but it makes me feel good because its music..but in away ...