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a few years ago, a boy i loved told me i was different from everyone else because i was more mature
and i asked him how was i more mature
he said it was because i seemed to know what i wanted from life; i didn't flit from thing to thing like everyone else, being unsure of what i wanted to do
and i laughed because that boy i loved couldn't have possibly known me at all
because when i was five years old i wanted to become an author
and when i was nine years old i wanted to move to north carolina and become a wrestler
and when i was ten years old i wanted to become an artist
and when i was eleven years old i wanted to become an actor
and when i was twelve years old i wanted to move to new york city and become a dancer
and when i was fourteen years old i wanted to move to los angeles and become an actor
and when i was fifteen years old i wanted to become a singer
and when i was sixteen years old i wanted to become a musician
and even nowadays i struggle with the idea of doing just one thing in one place for the rest of my life
because my younger selves, with all their dreams of doing certain things and moving to certain places, never died
and i don't know what i want
do i want to move to los angeles and become an actor? do i want to become a musician? do i want to move to houston or north carolina and become a wrestler? do i want to become an author?
that boy i loved thought i had it all figured out, but the truth is, i never will.