The aftermath of telling him hurts and I feel a justified pain in my PMS, as though the universe knew I needed to be punished.
Thing is, we aren't dating. I only have the promise of moments with him. I assume that he will drop me when he meets a girl more suited to him... and I am hung up on him in a way that I search for excuses not to try to be with him. I should fall for him because I seemingly know that I'm not his type and that I'm not good enough. Well I ******** know I'm amazing and he is amazing... why do I need to wait for him to fal in love with him?! Why am I waiting for that right moment... to fall into it when I'm there in th edge this whole time?!
I just know if I ******** it all up.... if I ******** it all up.... its not like my world ends or I try to kill myself, but so much happiness and hope will die. So much unnecessary sadness and pain.
He didn't deserve to get hurt.
I didn't deserve to be so lonely. I never have.
I know I'm loved so why do I ache inside to be understood and wanted in that way....
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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