Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

My grandpa died a couple nights ago...... I was so close to him, now I am questioning if I should be alive I am so confused.........................We all are going to die. Whats the difference of dieing tonight then living tommorrow? It is I miss him so much I guess I want to hang out with him again but I cant thats its making me question my life..... Am I even worthy? I just ******** up my life who would care if I wasnt here tommorrow..... Would people be relieved they dont have to worry about me ******** up my life even or me getting hurt, arrested or something worse? I dont know it is just so ******** complicated... If you can hear me grandpa I love you and I miss you. So much I want you to be here but you cant and I forgive you, but it hurts I guess. Everything I get close and love so much I end up either ******** it up or they die or move away and I cant see them I love Jenna so much, my family all my friends but I ******** up my and jenna's relationship. My dad doesnt even love me enough to call or acknowledge me as his son I knew I probly made him hate me for some reason I love my best friend in the entire world and he ends up killing himself. I ******** up everything, I feel like such a failure I lost the women I would only love forever. I am a failure I guess there isnt a reason I should be here If I am just taking up space........ Goodnight journal.