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JUNE 24
today was the one of the best days of my life.
As most know today is the anniversary of my grandfather's death. This day every year something terrible happens.
Yesterday Kyle told me some news that I found hard to take. He still likes his ex.
This i can understand as in some ways we all still like our ex's.
As such, knowing that kyle would want time to sort things out, i went to stratford today in order to break up with him after our get together so he could figure out what is best for him.
Until now i have only thought of his happiness- but once i felt truly happy with him, all i wanna do is keep that happiness for myself...is that wrong?
Obviously i would not entertain the idea if it hurt him.
so i went to stratford and the darling spent the whole day making me forget about the pain of the last decade or so and i felt perfectly happy for the first time since i was about 7 yrs old.
He picked me up at that lovely bridge, where i gave him preasents, we took a roadtrip to the Goderich beach which was stunning but chilly and then we went fishing for two hours. We caught several fish, most were small but kyle caught a trout. The whole time my heart was breaking from happiness. I wonder if one can die from being happy.... if so... I should have died.
My fragile heart could not take such generosity from him and all i could do was shed tears of happiness from how amazed i was at the effort he spent to make me happy.

I will always be there for him now whatever choice he makes and however long it takes. If he chooses her and they end up living happily- good. IF he chooses her and they break up in a while... i will still be waiting for him. If he chooses to be alone- i will understand. However, if he chooses me, which he may not- judging by his confusion... i will spend every waking moment questing for that amazing smile that melts the snow and makes the sunshine blush....so long as i am able.

To this I ask anyone with the power to help me.....
"let me die now but do not take this happiness away."

and to him i say:
"Thank you, at least i know what happiness feels like."


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