It's weird.
In the past I used to feel like I didn't have a right to feel a certain way or that I didn't deserve anything I had.
Well it came suddenly. This surge. This feeling.
It's like a breath of fresh air. I know where I want to go and what I want to do and how I want to do it.
******** everyone else. I'm living for myself. It's all about me. Selfish? Oh, really? Let me be that way then. I've been ripped apart and stepped on for far too damn long. I lie for no man. Believe that. I've seen too much. Felt too much. Learned too much.
I'm not to going too put too much out there for everyone else anymore. I'm sick of that. Everyone is walking around, all fine and great. Why? Thanks to me. Don't this so? Oh well. I know the truth. I help. I heal. I teach. I love. And what do I get? Unanswered questions. Uneasy feelings. Discomfort. Pain. Nothing.
That's it. If I want to be happy. I have to make myself happy. You want to be happy? Do it yourself. Sorry, I can't help you. I sincerly wish I could, but honestly, I don't think you want the help. I think it's all an excuse. Yeah, so ******** you and your dumb ******** friends. I hurt too much because of you and them. It's too much.
I refuse to apologize for loving you and wanting that back. I refuse. I'm sick of trying and wanting and doing for you. I can't take it anymore. I change. I feel. I care. I love. I want. I need.
Not anymore though. You took that away from me. Thank you. My eyes have opened and I can see you for real now. Your words of caring are false. You're just scared. Scared to start over with someone who doesn't know you. Scared to get that uncomfortable feeling. I know, I've been there. ********.
Do I think you'll ever love me? I really don't know. I honestly hope that you do, but I have a horrible feeling that you'll know when I'm gone.
I want to talk to you. Won't.
I want to trust you. Can't.
You did this. You knew I was broken when you first had me. Knew I was still healing. And then you did it. You tore me apart, limb from limb. Until I could bleed no more. I thank you. I love you. I fear you. I hate you.
You have become a buzz in my ear.
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