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You know, it's funny.

I live on my own and I'm lonely. I come to my parents house and when I get here, I end up alone in one way or another. Regardless of where I am, I'm constantly lonely and never really fulfilled.

This is going to be my first Christmas truly alone. I'm living on my own totally and without roomates and, even though I'm going to be at Mom and Dad's house, I'll still have to return home to my apartment. It all feels really hollow, you know? I mean, I had originally had plans for Christmas this year and well...Let's just say those plans fell by the wayside thanks to life.

I'm such a depressed person when I have bad things happen to me and it's not my fault. I know I get angsty, but life's no bouquet of roses. When something bad happens to me, I let it affect me in every way possible and it affects those around me too. I try to be happy, but it only lasts for so long and then boom, it's back to Mr. Angsty Pants for me. I know what'll help me, but I keep striving for it so hard and never getting it which makes me feel worse and I'm sure it's what drives everyone away. I suppose I'm really a self destructive person when I'm all alone in the world.

I haven't done anything today really...Not like I ever do much as it is. I went over to my old Electronics Boutique and bought The Sims Deluxe Edition for my friend Tonya for Christmas and then over to Circuit City where I picked up the Makin' Magic expansion that I know she wanted so much. I know it'll make her happy and that's all that matters is making the people I care about happy.

I just wish sometimes that could happen to me too, you know? It's selfish but...It's OK to be selfish sometimes.