|
personal
FAther?....whats that? for 5 years I have not known I rember the day he left I went to visit him to see him to laugh with him to create one more memory just one more....i rember that day clearly because that was the same day that i may as well have died......Father left me alone but he left me questions un-answerd a feeling of loneliness and a bear that he left behind fo me with it's mocking smile i held t close once i arrived to my room i didn't come out i stayed for 2 weeks at home i refused to go to camp i refused do anything everyfood i had tasted like dirt and water it tasted like acid. soon my motheer forced me outside i saw the sun shinning and the blue sky it was a beautiful day but i hated it how dare god mock me how dare he I went back inside and slowly began to put myself in a shell i kept to myself i said barely anywords to anyone.......as my tenth birthday grew closer i didn't grow excited about it i kept up my fake smile and i stayed in my shell i rember that year....that year was the year Mother forgot my birthday for the first time..... after she went to her buisness trip on the day of my birth i began to look for my father asking first in florida and calling every man wit my fathers name this went on for 5 years..... for 5 long years i never gave up hope i needed to find him i didn't know what i was going to say to him when i did but i knew i had to find him i had to.......now i have i found him i fond him only to realize a day after i find him and speak to him he sends me a suiciede letter thankfully he didn't died this happend two times untill he was digonosed bi-polar 2.....my siser has a small case of it and i may devolp it. So this is the gift god goves me? after all of this pain and work i find him only to see something may be wrong within me? this isn't fair it's not fair!.................i still don't know what i'm going to say to him when i see him face to face will i yell cry scream at him hate him ask those un-answerd questions? i don't know but i'm not going to plan it i'll know what i will say when i see him face to face maybe then all the problems will leave me and maybe god will finally let me be and let me live with a happy life and not one were i have to always fight in like i have......
|
