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. Now, for all you people who actually pay attention to the news, there's a bunch of fat people who wanted to sue the... McD's ore what ever, you know... the people with the burgers and the stuff like that? Why? Because they were too fat. Far be it from them to admit to themselves, "hey, you know what? I should have stopped after eating 15 burgers." Nope! The fact that they have a fat a** is not their fault, it's McD's fault - or whatever fast food restaurant they decided to sue. My problem is, somebody actually considered taking on this case! These bloody lawyers who are like "yeah, you know what? We can sue this restaurant because you're a fat a**." What are you saying when you're... when you're in front of the judge? "Yes, your honor, I'm a fat a** and it's all because of this fast food chain." Give me a ******** break. Someone should just stab you in the eyes with a really hot french fry, you fat a**. Hope you choke on your own fat......... Fatty!

Okay, now getting off the topic of fat asses, let's talk about these cell phone mother-shitheads. Dude, put the phone away. You're a ******** self-important little nurd. Nobody is really calling you. It's like, you're walking around, pressing that little button that makes that fake ringing sound.coom on like eny 1 is going to fall for that. You just want people to think that people are calling you. Nobody is calling you, you're a loser! and you're paying like idont no $70 a month for no reason. what do you need a cell phone for, so... so your mother can call you to pick up groceries on the way home from work? right, okay? Grow up. If I have to hear another bloody cell phone go off when I'm eating at a diner, I'm gonna rip somebody's head off.

And speaking of diners, is it just me, or are the rest of you really sick of these children with the high-pitched frequency of whining and yelling that just drills itself right into your brain? I, for one, really want the mothers or fathers to just start beating the s**t out of these kids until they're blood silent or go into a coma. I'm so sick trying to eat a burger or something and having this whining kid complaining that he doesn't have ice cream. You know what, he wants ice cream? You lock him in the freezer, keep him there for about six hours, I'm sure he'll have his fill of ice cream. So... he's a little frostbitten and loses a toe or two.

Now let's talk English language. What I'm speaking here right now is English. I'm tired of ******** picking up a cup of coffee, and having about 20 different languages telling me that it's hot. Ooh... Caution Muy Caliente, Vorsch Heist! Give me a ******** break! Can't you just put a picture? Look... I came up with a little picture that can go right on the side of the cup, a little guy holding a cup of coffee, and he's on fire. That gets the message across. I'm tired of different languages. If you're in France, speak French. When you're in America, you speak English, okay? You know what you should do? Learn English! I'm so sick of having to whip out an Idiot-to-English dictionary to figure out what the hell you're trying to say. Just speak plain English, okay? Let me ‘splain to you something, okay? Nobody likes to hear the English language get slaughtered? So ******** stop it, okay? Now that I have alienated all the non-English-speaking people, see now, here's my thing: if they don't speak English and they don't understand the language, would they get offended that I'm telling them that they have to learn English? Huh? Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ohhh! Twisting the brain... ooh!

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