Date: 09/18/2006
Color that best describes my mood: Golden Rod
Song that reflects my mood: I Must Not Chase the Boys by Play (lyrics at the bottom, click for an amv)
Aura color: Gray
I’ve been feeling better recently. Within this last week, I’ve broken off my two ‘unofficial’ relationships (which were just causing me more stress). One of the boys I was “dating”, Stephen decided that he still loved his ex and was going to try and get back together with her. The second boy, Ty, was a little more difficult. He had gotten really attached to me and I had grown attached to him (but not to the same degree as he did). We had talked for three hours about our relationship and my love for my ex-boyfriend Matt. The stress from the talk kind of overwhelmed me and I ended up dry heaving on the ground and crying for most of the discussion. The next day, I decided I needed to cut it off because it was just too much for me to handle. I still haven’t given up on Matt, and honestly, I don’t want to give up on him. Fortunately, Stephen, Ty, and I are still good friends.
Speaking of past relationships, I saw one of my ex-boyfriends from middle school. His name was Daniel. I was just wondering what had happened to him and he all of a sudden showed up at my work. It was kind of funny too. It was pouring rain outside and he was so drenched that water was dripping off him and making a puddle. I told him I would call or visit him sometime, and I intend to. I want to be his friend again since he was a large part of my life during middle school and the beginning of my high school life. Luckily, I still have his number memorized (which is amazing since it’s been five years since I called him) and I know where he lives. He was such a cool guy but he had a violent temper that I couldn’t handle, so I got out of the relationship.
Well, I guess that’s all for now. I’ll try to get back in the habit of posting journal entries. Write later. Bye
Lyrics to I Must Not Chase the Boys by Play:
won't someone tell me what is happenin' to me
why am i so missunderstood
why can't they see
now i'm caught between the devil and the angel that i used to be
they say i'll understand it all in good time
but age ain't nothing but a number in my mind
goin' crazy with this push me, pull me
caught between wrong and right
i wanna give in to the woman in me
i wanna be someone they don't want me to be
the moral of the story is i got no choice
i must not chase the boys
i started writing down my deepest secrets
seven days a week of truth and fantasy
got the feeling that the way my life is got to be prepared for changes
won't someone tell me what is happenin' to me
why am i so missunderstood
why can't they see
now i'm caught between the devil and the angel that i used to be
i wanna give in to the woman in me
i wanna be someone they don't want me to be
the moral of the story is i got no choice
i must not chase the boys
i wanna go left but they tell me go right
don't wanna be the little girl they are kissing goodnight
the moral of the story is i got no choice
i must not chase the boys
they can try to make me write a thousand lies
but that won't ever change the way i feel inside
they've got their opinions but i just don't care
cause that's not what i wanna hear
i, i must, i must not chase the boys
i, i must, i must not chase the boys
i must, i must, i must not...chase...the boys
i wanna give in to the woman in me
i wanna be someone they don't want me to be
the moral of the story is i got no choice
i must not chase the boys
i wanna go left but they tell me go right
don't wanna be the little girl they kissin' goodnight
the moral of the story is i got no choice
i must not chase....the boys
