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I have Friday Blues........
my life seems to get screwed up more often than not. before christmas, i dumped my bf mike and have been trying to fix him up with my cousin melissa. and i hooked up with matt, and he has my underwear and im not happy about that! and last night he decided he needed to have a "talk" with me. so heres this guy who ive been making out with and all that, whos been doing the whole, luv ya hun thing, and this is what he has to tell me : sometimes i start thinking about her (hmm...who could that be? oh laura, his ex) i just keep thinking, everytime i get serious about someone she comes back to me. i love her blah blah blah. if she comes back for me, im leaving you....blah blah blah...i hope your not serious, this should just be fun....GRRR!!!! he sat there and looked at me like i was supposed to be heartbroken, heartbroken over him? as if! but still....my pride is hurting. but there he was looking at me, what was i supposed to do? so i smiled at him and said, "thanks for telling me, at least your honest" now why did i do that? when all i wanted to say was, yeah i agree your just a fun thing for me, because ive been saying it all along, that when i leave for college its not gonna hurt to leave you? but no i sit there and i go its okay, you'll be okay, if the world beats you up, just fight back and all that stupid stuff just to make him feel better. and i just wanted to laugh, and he was being so seriouse about telling me not to be serious about him because he'll leave me for laura. and then out of the blue this stupid lil though enters my head, and it still hasent left. I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH HIM...lol so he drove me home, or rather, to my moms house, and he said goodbye, and he kissed me. as if he didnt just tell me that all he thinks about is his ex and im pretty much just a diversion. i can handle the diversion part, but i dont want to be a standin until the girl that he really wants comes back to him. so now i dont know what to do. in a way im like yeah, this is fun, just keep doing it. kiss him, enjoy the time, cause its not like i really care all that much. but then its like...hmmm my morals. my whole i dont want to be anybodys second best and all that. and the worst part is........i have no one to talk to about this, no one to confide in. for the 1st time in my life, im not saying a word to anyone. because who would want to hear it? So tonight im staying at my brothers n sonya's house, im gonna do my collage, make my clothes chest look cool. and im gonna think...and ill figure this out, and ill go on like i always do. i just havent figured out my path yet is all.........
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Community Member
Take care