What do you do when you're falling apart on the inside, but you can't let anybody know? I'm falling apart on the inside. I'm slowly going mental. I'm beginning to loose it. But I can't let anyone see. If someone see's then they'll ask questions. They'll assume things. They'll assume I can't handle it. But I can. I really really can. So I can't let the cracks show. But I want someone to notice. I want someone to notice that I'm falling apart. Not so someone'll help. But just so I know that someone pays enough attention to me to realise that even though I seem fine I'm really not. I've told the truth too many times to people lately. Told the truth when I wasn't supposed to. Told the truth and the cracks have shown. But no-one realised. No-one realised it was a mistake. I have to stop telling the truth. I have to stop admitting things I don't want to, because if I continue admitting then I will loose it, I will go mental. I really will. And I don't want to go mental yet, I can't. Not until I'm out of school at least. The worst thing about it is that I can feel myeself changing. I can feel myself almost snapping. And I know when I tell the truth on purpose (though I regret it later), and I know why. I know why I do it. I know why I want the cracks to show, I know why. I want someone to notice. But it has to be obvious for someone to notice because no-one pays enough attention right now to notice that I am loosing it. But by giving off such obvious clues it is also obvious that I want someone to know. Then it will seem too much like attention-seeking. Attention-seeking is bad. I want someone to find out. But I want them to find out after I've tried my hardest to hide it. So I cannot keep telling the truth. I cannot keep telling people my ideas, my thoughts, in the hopes that these obvious clues will somehow lead someone to notice. If I continue doing so then it won't work. Then they'll ignore it, they'll think I'm attention-seeking and I'm not. So I'll fall apart on the inside. But I won't let the cracks show. I won't let anyone see that I'm breaking, that I'll soon be useless one day. I won't let anyone see. No more obvious clues.
evil-jessjess Community Member 
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