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I am writing these based off of memory, so they are not the exact quotes, so don't hold me to them!

"School is like sex, as in, the more you put into it, the more you get out of it; and if you just lie there and do nothing, you won't have nearly enough fun"

After everyone was put into groups of two that had to be someone of the oppisite sex so as to get different ppl, "Please stop talking and turn to your partner and engage in meaningful intercourse"

And finally...
a student was complaining that someone stole her pencil and kept sayin during class,"who ever jacked my pencil better give it back now!" so mrs. young replyed, "Please ________, go jack quietly in the corner!"