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totally not in the mood to write anymore, or do anything creative for that matter. I tried to make AMV's but I really don't feel like finishing them since only the credits are left.

I just want to get away from my friends, I know none of them really gives a damn, which even if they try to deny it its true when you think about it.

I've been thinking a lot reasently, about life, death, love, friendship and I've learned a little bit in all subjects.

In Life, I've learned that to live happily means to die before the age of 3, before the age in which you start to remember things that are happening around you.

In Death, I've learned that to die is the only way to get what you truely want, freedom & peace.

In Love, I've learned that in love there is no truth, all love starts with a promise and all love ends in heart break.

In Friendship, I've learned in friendship that people depend on others but not for the right reasons. they only depend on you for money or ideas, not for support or love.

I have been in 3 relationships:
1. wasn't love, he only wanted the things I had.
2. I said yes out of pitty for the man who asked and annoyance of those who wouldn't stop asking.
3. out of true feelings for the him.

I have had lots of types of friends:
1. friends that only want the things you have
2. friends who want to talk to you about their feelings but don't give a s**t about yours
3. friends who want will be your friend for a day but don't talk to you around their other friends
4. friends who are your friends, until you really honestly need them

I have a family:
a father who tried to kill me while I was still an infant, a mother with multiple medical problems and possibly cancer, an older step brother that refuses to move away, an older step sister who isn't married, has a child, and is constently dependent on my mother, and a twin brother that is constently being better than me....and I get yelled at because I gave up trying to be better 4 years ago.

my dog cares a little, but then again he loves anyone with food.

the only people who care about me arn't real....or so others say.
they stay in the shadows, they've been there since my birth.

I owe one of them my life, he saved me. if he hadn't have sheilded me then I would be dead now.

and even now, he sences my intentions, thats why he stole my knife and hid it so I can't find it.

he knows, if I die, then someone would have to take the blame, or I'd be labled a discraceful sicide. I tried to die in his world without him knowing, but he found out and stopped it, cause if I die in his world I'd go missing in this world. then it would cause grief and my world may learn of his.

I know I'll die in this world, when everyone forgets about me. but until then, the shadows will keep me alive.......just barely