So..it's been decided. I'm leaving Gaia.
No, not immediately. You have me for another half a year, but trust me..time flies fast.
My date of departure: August 26, 2005. That's right, my 2nd Gaian birthday will be my last.
Please don't beg me to stay..I really have made up my mind now.
I only stay on Gaia because I love the art. I want art of my OC or I would get practice by working for other users. It was fun, but sadly not anymore.
For several months I have felt..undervalued and unwanted by the buyers. I'm easily skipped over. It's just pencil sketches, right? Nothing too important. That's how it feels. Seeral of you will contest this, and yes I do know that there are several of you out there who value natural media more than the average shiny cg anime seeking buyer, but it's the minority it seems.
It becomes very depressing when no one really cares about the art, rushing straight off for a big shiny cg auction or shop instead, leaving you in the dust. It's even more depressing to have people tell you "You're prices are too high, yadda yadda" for the time and effort put into your work. Even though it's not cg, it still takes just as long and as much care. Not many but the artists themselves appreciate that generally, from my personal experience.
Honestly, I've gotten some negative comments that weren't really called for at all, a recent one that the proportions etc in my figures need to be filled out or better, when I think the artist's work actually needed that more than me. I know is sounds conceited, but I was careful in that comparison. I love the human figure, it's what I do. I take figure drawing classes every week, and though I don't know even half of everything (who ever does?) I think I know a decent amount. Sure, perspective is sometimes off, but my figures are far from the anorexic twings they were a year ago >>;
It's my current way of sketching, always the long figures. I know that part is disproportionate, but that is how I consciously draw them, as I prefer the elongated limbs and body. When another ARTIST can't recognize that, or really even ask about it, simply telling you what to do for them to be pleased with it.. well, that's not really fair, and to me bordering on rude. We're free to give constructive crits, but that has nothing really positive about it. I see it done to others, it's done to me.. I don't like it. It's not friendly and most assuredly not comfortable.
Another thing that truly bothers me about R&C...it's ridiculously full of cliques. It's terrible. That atmosphere of a group here, a group there (and I don't mean the group stores) is very intimidating. For those of us who are shy, or beginners afraid of being pegged or ignored...it makes things really hard. I think we all know the loneliness of a dead thread with no one to talk to at one point. Bumping becomes pointless, how is it entertaining with no one to talk to?
Me, as a person, I have a bit of an ineptness when it comes to being social. There are times where I want to jump in, but with these large groups, there just seems no way to do it without bothering some one or just plain ending up invisible to those there.
There's the problem of art thieves running around to consider as well. But do I really need to say anything about that?
By now, I have also grown very tired of drawing Gaian avatars. It has become dull and repetitious. The only repetition I have been known to like is working with a very interesting and well developed OC, such as my own that has been in the works for 5 years. You can work to scenes and whatnot. THe avis..they just don't have as much character. You're always going to find another with the same hairstyle as the last, with the same items as the last.. I should know especially now as I've been working on the R&C portrait that will be my giant memorial pic of my time in R&C. So many people with the same items or overloaded with the items. It's insane and just plain uninteresting. I've lost the creativity to do something different with them.
I suppose.. just all in all...I'm tired or it. I'm tired of the people who aren't willing to "pay" for a the time and effort invested in artwork, I'm tired of the cliques, I'm tired of feeling passed over, I'm tired of feeling alone, even when I'm in a thread full of people. It's over.. it's just.. over.
So by next week I will be setting up my final contest thread, and until its end I will continue to do the art I am bored with to simply wrack up funds. Come the end of the contest..I will be gone.
Tenica Community Member 
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Community Member