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D:
I feel better, a little. Threw up this morning. It wasn't the normal eat too much and throw up feeling, it was the stressed out nothing-but-stomach-acid feeling. That only happens when so much stress is put on me. I really need to talk to someone. Someone that won't suddenly get mad at me...those are hard to find. Really hard.
But other than that a full 12 hours of sleep helped. A lot of people are still angry now, and I would still apologize though rather not in fear of making them angrier. No amount of words can ease that anger. Which always seems to happen with me. I do one thing, everything blows up. Kinda like when I had a group of friends I could really trust on another site, most of which I actually knew offline. That exploded into itty-bitty pieces just because I got mad at Raymond. Everyone hated me and turned their backs on me, eventhough Raymond hurt me first, which made me to lash back. I fear that might happen again sometime soon. Its a chain reaction that keeps going until everyone or everyone connected knows some form of what happened and takes a side.
Eh...thats just paranoia talking. I'm very paranoid right now, for many many reasons.
I still feel terrible for missing Melissa's birthday yesterday. If I went out to eat, I would have made a scene. Not just because of what happened with Hakura, I got other s**t from other people as well...it only made the dam of feelings break open for me, which in some ways did a world of good for me.
My parents didn't have a clue what happened last night, and when they saw me suddenly start crying, it creeped them out. My dad started yelling at Raymond because of it. Raymond couldn't make me stop crying, even if he tried to. No one could.
Yeah...I know, drama. It seems everything I do is drama, attention whoring, or pity party. Its funny how I can't go on and say how I feel, when others can go nuts. D: Everyone has a right to do it, but when it comes to me, I get hell. Or at least it feels like it to me. I cried because it felt like I lost a friend, infact a few friends and because of something I did. Thats why. Not for attention, for pity, or for guilt. Simply because I thought I lost them. I might have, that hasn't been clearly said, so I still don't know.
Well...better stop before things get too mixed up.
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