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... when just nothing seems... erm, right?

Everything is just so....

.. GAH! No words can describe it!

After school my friend called me which I guess brightened me up but... I just feel so empty..... lonely.... melancholy....

.... gone....
And I have no idea what's wrong...
It's like I have this hole that can't be filled...
... well, maybe with chocolate, but that really isn't part of my diet...

The only chocolate I eat each day is my morning Cocoa Puffs... where would I be without them. Yes, I know I know... If I am removing chocolate from my diet I shouldn't eat it at breakfast either, but my darn father just keeps buying it. What am I to do? I tried to explain my diet to him but that just makes him buy it more often....
He says I shouldn't be cutting out such an important food group... rolleyes
He also says that if I don't stop talking about losing weight and getting in shape, he's going to send me to a counselor... and I hate shrinks...

Now, normally, I know he wouldn't do that... but... under the influence of his psycotic girlfriend, anything is possible. This woman sent her daughter to STAR just because she was going out with someone behind her back... there is more to the story but I can tell you that anyway you look at it, it was a really stupid thing to do.

Speaking of the psycotic girlfriend, I haven't seen her in a while... which makes me happy. I've managed to get out of almost everything my father has done with her. I don't think that he's even seen her for atleast a week...
... So the lack of chocolate could be making me sad because the lack of Lori definately isn't...

But, there must be something else, something that I feel slightly sad, guilty, and/or depressed over.... but I just don't know....

I miss my big bro... but I know that that isn't it because when he was here, it drove me nuts. Well, not the fact that he was here but the simple fact that he played his guitar constantly. Not that he plays bad, but I swear he only knows like 6 songs... and they get kinda boring after a while.
He is completely happy with his new college, which makes me happy. He likes his roommates and his best friends from high school live right down the hall. Everything is looking up for him...
... it's like God traded my happiness for his...

The only thing that seems to make me happy is going through pictures of my favorite hott guys, online. But then again, that is depressing because I'll never ever see them in real life... the chances are incredibley slim to none.

And I currentally have two itty bitty teenie tiny crushes but, you know how that goes... I mean, I rarely talk to people within my circle of friends, let alone guys who I mildly admire more than most...

I don't see my friends outside of school and inside school I am so caught up in classes, and homework, and this and that, and countless other things that I really don't just take the time to slow down and smell the chalkdust, ya know. ((Or as the Canadians would say, 'eh))

My grades... oh god my grades... I have no idea what I am to do about them because I honest to gosh have no idea how they are going to turn out.... It seems like forever since progress reports. So much has happened, so much could have gone wrong... and I have no idea....

*repetively sighs*

Forgive my typos and my errors, both gramatical and spelling wise, because I have just spent the past 25 minutes sitting here ranting faster than my poor little numb fingers can type.
This room isn't heat and I swear it's gotta be like 50 degrees F in here...
Plus I just got back from shoveling...
... Damn snow, there it goes again....
I so hope we don't have school tomorrow.

I am a freakin a** (new favorite phrase) mess.
My hands and lips are dry and flakey from walking home from school... my dad's been giving us rides in the morning if we do all the morning chores...

Grrr, my dad.... scream
He won't let me rejoin robotics because it cuts too much into his time. It makes me sad, I miss having something to do... you know, maybe I could tell him that my only alternative would be to volunteer at the animal shelter, which is quite a ways away. Maybe then he'd change his mind...
But you know, I could live without robotics...
... but I'd miss out on so many competition guys...
*sigh*

I still don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
I feel like crying and screaming and.... just giving up...

I just want to be gone.... you know, poof.... no more Lisha....

You know, most days I'd go back through here and edit this, but today I just don't give a damn.




-______________-;;;;

What an appropriet time for that song to pop into my head....

... what the hell is wrong with me.

I swear, Orli Bloom could come, take my hand, and reveal his secret love for me... and I'd just be like "cool, whatever"...

I hope to high heavens I wake up feeling way better than I do now.