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I'm sorry to hear that. Really.
I mean, you're probably thinking I don't know you, and maybe I shouldn't be butting into your personal life and all, but I do understand how you feel, even if I never experienced the same thing, and I sympathize.
Even if you feel that way now, it doesn't mean you'll never be able to open up your heart to anyone in future. It's not like life is running away from you, so you have all the time in the world to find peace within yourself, and with her.

I'm sorry about that Josh.
But your only 17 and you have your whole life in front of you. maybe not now maybe later you'll find a girl. and i know there is a special girl for you out there. even better then Aradia and someone will open the lock of your heart. And your a really good person Josh. and i know there is a girl that will fall in love with you. Just keep your hopes up and i know its not easy but as i said there is a better girl for you then Aradia and remember that everything happens for a reason.

...Do you read fruits basket?? I know exactly how you feel. But hey, forever's not that long, I should know. I was with a guy for years and he broke it off, then I found out he broke up with me for my best friend who'd been doing you know what behind my back for months....He said the same things to me, "I love you" But now I yell at those who tell that to me. They don't kow what it means. Love is pain, that's it. And hey, at least you don't have to face them laughing at you or anything everyday....I can be such an ignoramus sometimes...sorry...I hope you feel better knowing somehing about the REAL me.
~K

There will be peace within myself, but there will be no peace with her Tifa. I've never felt this hurt, this betrayed, this...well, best way to put it's burned. It was almost a physical pain. But no, I'm not thinking you don't know me, anyone who's rped knows at least one side of me, my characters are me and I am them in small increments. So you know me best of all actualy.

My friend. You are not the first, nor will be the last. My situation is very much the same, minus the boyfriend deal. But I must say, knowing the girl I love, she wouldn't have trouble finding a man that finds her attractive. But still, it doesn't mean anything other than she just hasn't found a guy...

I am the same.

I was locked up. Walls and fortress. She tore it down. Rubble and ash, babtized my being. Then, what was inside was crushed, and to protect, the walls went up. Stronger than before.

The only thing that kept me going... kept me from staying in bed or killing myself though was a simple hope. As much as my brain or anything else said it was hopeless, my heart HAS to hope, and HAS to love her. I believe you might feel the same, and if so, maybe we can find something to solve this, and find a way to destroy the void.

But to be honest about life and love, I must quote Wesly from the Princess Bride:

"Life is pain."

Poetic, oh hammer of thor, poetic and purely true indeed. I agree, and we are indeed kindred spirits, and a very good idea of yours indeed.

No...Never peace with me. You have no reason to give me anything. Hate me for the rest of your life. I guess I deserve it. Karma has quickly served me her punishment. Now you and Rimshee can agree that I am everything evil and wrong in the world. I told you a long time ago that I wasn't the best person....You chose not to listen. So the fault is on both of us. You jumped to quickly and then fell too hard. And I could only stand there and watch. Find so peace with yourself for the goddesses sake. Then maybe in ten, twenty years you'll have forgetten me...and that will be forgiveness in itself. Who wants to remember something that ripped their heart out huh?

~Sam aka Aradia

Sam, my dear, if Hirakiry is indeed a kindered soul to my ownself, then there was no doubt that he didn't get to choose. I only know to well of this. And, if you truely were his first love, he will Never forget you.

Yes, he will move on, find others, and maybe even one day get married and have a family, but that love will still be there in some small way.

I do not know the details, but I must say, the words LOVE shouldn't be tossed around like candy on Hallow's eve. And if you, my dear Sam, did this to Hirakiry and did not mean it so, then I must lay much blame upon you. But dear, I can only imagine Why you did such a thing?

Were there no feelings on your part? Or perhaps a fear of commitment?

*Just sighs* Love....I do...I did....I still.....I just....*laughs at herself* Ok...finaly...all of you whom read this...you as well Mr. Greenmjolnir...I guess it is time for my half. I guess we all know how life and love are... Lets see...where to begin. (Heh mind you..this is not for pity or sympathy...this is just how crap played out.) On july 8 of this year I left my boyfriend...Rimshee. We had been together for 16 months. I live in florida....he lives in Cali. Yeah...I delt with it as long as I could...he finaly broke me in half because of stupid s**t that went on over there. I was loyal..he apparently couldn't be in return. I guess it just shows me how some guys are. So after that...Hira and I started talking more and more over the phone...I felt whole...life was looking great. My family was goin back to the way it used to be. I was getting good grades. Both parents were working, my brother and I weren't fighting as much since I had left Rim...and the evil fat guy Jimmy that lives with us finaly was lettin up on the mental abuse he dishes out. Then it happened. *sighs* Nyah. Oct. 12. I get a call sixth period from my mother. (Dad failed his pissed test on the 6th of September. Heh sad thing is...he was get off probation in November.....They took him to jail.) Mother tells me dad has been sentenced to Two and a half years in prison. I get off the phone, throw it at my supervisor, and run into the library stacks. (6th period I used to work in my school library) I burst into tear and everything starts to fall. That void in my chest just grew. I didn't want to go home right after school...I didn't want to see my once again ******** up family. So...I grabbed Blaine (Friends boyfriend) and went to Bobbie-Jo and Justin. (Bobbie is a girl btw) I almost started to cry again...I told them... After that. Called my mom. Told her I wasn't gunna be comming home she said whatever. I think by then it had been like 2-3 days since I had talked to Hira....I can't remember....Well...we dropped Blaine off at home. Then the three of us went into town...There is a New Age shop called the Black Dragon, where I live. I wanted to take them to see it. I was in so much pain by the time we got there. Let me explain why. My father...was the only reason I used to come home. I'ma daddy's girl...enough said. Well we get to the shop..go in..start looking around. There is a guy already in there. His name is Dailja. Nyah. Well...I looked at him once and tried to ignore what I felt going on. Believe in love at first sight? I guess...in some way I do. I wanted to ignore it because I had Hira... Anyways. He finaly got to me through using Bobbie and Justin. He and I started talking. I hugged him and jokingly said "I love you! Can I take you home with me?!?" *laughs* He ended up spending the rest of the night with us. That night...I took Bobbie and Justin back to the house..Then..I took Dailja home. I sat there with him. We talk and talked. My back...I have a bad one. He gave me a back massage....his room mate Odin finaly walked in. I got my bra and shirt back on...then...Ember. She walked through the door. Heh wasn't a good thing. Dailja and her were sudo dating. Nyah...so then her and her boyfriend/feance thing left. Dailja and I went for a walk. The both of us being Pagan...love the feel of a Waxing moon. we ended up in a graveyard. Talking about love and life. I recited to him something my sister's once said about my heart being like Poison. "A heart of crystal, A poison so deadly That she'll give the love And try to take none in return For love is what she is made of Love is what she takes And sadly hearts, are what her poison breaks" I was always told that I was never meant for love...I used to think it true until Rim and Hira.... I wonder if you...any of you...have ever touched someone and felt everything inside your body zing? I walked away from Dailja...he said something that bite and I recited that to him. He ran after me and spun me around looked me in the eyes. The minute his hands had touched my skin...that zing is what I felt. I was wrong that night...but I think...in Dailja's own mind...he had already claimed me as his.... We spent another 2 hours together....then I came home. I thought of what I would say to Hira...I had been afraid all day. Because into the month-2 months we had been together...my heart was happy...yet dying. I knew what distance was probally doing to us both. At 8 the next morning...I took my mother to work...and went to Dailja's house. We spent the day together and then he came home with me...He was here when I broke up with Hira....I had started to cry. "What have I done what have I done" was all I could say. He held me and I just cried. Because...I was torn between three things. Him, Dailja, and my constant pain of loosing my father....It hurt....Gods did it hurt..I could only imagine what he felt like. Later that night Dailja and I went to get my mother food. We went to whataburger...got her food...then we came back to my house...it had only been about 6-7 hours after I had broken up with Hira...I was laying on my bed and Dailja was staring at me. Even with my eyes closed I felt it. I made the joke, "Aww crap now I have a huge blinking single sign over my head." I was trying to laugh away the pain. Because the night before he told me I had a huge rent to own sign over my head. He came and sat on my bed and made me open my eyes. Look at me and said "No...you don't" then he kissed me. I was in no mood to argue...I was like whatever. My heart was twisted enough.....I regret very few things in life. But hurting Hira...is one of the things I regret most. I let him fall because I didn't think I was strong enough to do anything....I let it happen...and I was the one who pushed him...I never meant for it...I just...For once I don't know...so...there is my story. The things that caused my heart to break and me to push him. But you know, Mr. Greenmjolnir, you are right Most of the blame is on me...if not all of it. and trust me...Karma apparently likes to punish me quickly rather than slowly. ~Sam

................and this whole time I thought you found him six hours after you broke up with me. Whatta fool I am, huh? What a friggin' idiot. Well Sam, I should realy thank you. You did leave me with something very valuable. I know what not to do now, I know not to show people my weakness because they always strike at it. I was just happy to have someone to love and talk to, distance didn't matter anyway, and I was going to come there actualy around now and we would be together periodicaly and it would all be great. The only way to hurt me is to do what you did Sam, that was the only weapon you had and I hoped you were a good enough person not to use it. I guess I was very very wrong. Despite all that I've said and all that I've typed and done, I still love you Sam, and I can't stop the pain that comes with it.